Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

The Great Exchange: Our Worry for God’s Peace

What would you say if someone gave you the opportunity to eliminate unnecessary worry and anxiety from your life? I and 45 other people from CLE jumped at the chance to get away for a weekend and explore our relationship with fear, anxiety and faith. Our intent was to apply the principle of aliveness and practice being fully present and authentically engaged in the here and now. My expectation was that if we were able to improve our abilities to stay conscious we would experience more peace and joy in our lives.

What do you find yourself worrying most about? Is it the well being of your children, your relationship with your spouse, finances, the future, being alone, disappointing others, not being accepted, saying no, displeasing God? We all have anxiety; however, change can happen when we start recognizing the common themes of what we worry about. Usually, our anxiety is related to things we fear in the future or regret in the past.

I am operating from the assumption that one of our primary feelings is fear. When we fail to address our fear we experience anxiety. This unnecessary worry and anxiety are the result of regretful reflection as well as fearful anticipation. Worry and anxiety tempt us to leave our experience of the here and now, focusing instead on what John Stevens refers to as fantasy. Stevens says that fantasy activity includes, “All mental activities beyond present awareness of ongoing experience: All explaining, imagining, interpreting, guessing, thinking, comparing, planning, remembering the past, anticipating the future, etc.”  (Stevens, 1971, p. 6)

In response to Stevens, we decided to be mindful of our awareness of the outside world, what we experience with our senses, and awareness of our inside world, what we feel from inside our skin. Unlike our fantasies, these two areas of awareness we know exist. Most often what we make up might happen in the future rarely happens. We made it a point to label any mental activity beyond our present awareness as fantasy. We learned that the purpose of fantasy was to distract us from the truth of our experience in the moment. We saw that fantasy intensified anxiety.

I had a powerful opportunity to practice what we were learning on Saturday night at the retreat. After an amazing day of learning and growing, I was teaching about the relationship between fear and faith. I was excited and in awe at the depth and genuineness of the work being done by the participants. Unexpectedly, one of the people attempted to make a joke at my expense. The room went quiet and I was completely caught off guard, feeling scared, hurt and angry. My first impulse was to ignore the slight and act like it never happened. My next thought was revenge—how could I pay him back!

Instead, I stayed with myself, expressing my hurt, embarrassment and anger. I asked him to look at what he was feeling in the moment and why he might want to embarrass me. He was totally unprepared for my vulnerability and began looking at what was going on for him below his level of consciousness. Eventually he was able to track back and see how his hunger for attention and affirmation had been intensifying for a while. He mistakenly believed that I was in the way of him getting what he needed and the only way to get any attention was to take me down. This mistaken belief reflected unfinished business he never had been able to clear up with his father.

We are invited in Scripture to look to God for comfort when we are anxious. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7) God offers to exchange our worry for the peace which transcends all understanding. When you notice you are anxious, track your worries and offer them up to God l  in exchange for peace. Don’t stockpile fear lest it turn into worry.  Use fear to motivate you to action, whether it be to freeze, fight or flee.

We also practiced applying what I call the “manna principle.” This concept conveys the idea that God’s way is to live one day at a time and I would add one moment at a time. Jesus said, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt 6:34) Avoid the danger of trying to manage tomorrow; instead, recognize God is availing his resources for our needs in the here and now.

Each day has sufficient trouble and we need our daily portion of God’s nourishment to sustain us throughout our battles. Live every moment to the max, experience your feelings, exchange anxiety for God’s transcendent peace and exercise the courage to be your most authentic self in every moment.

Ask God for your daily portion of the manna of peace which transcends all understanding.

Love: The Hope of the Holidays

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.   1 John 4:16 (NIV)

My wife, Sue, and I just returned from a Christmas get-a-way in Chicago. We spent a nourishing night and a day together while we shopped ‘til I dropped, enjoyed delicious food, and gazed in awe at the Chicago skyline while being mesmerized by Lake Michigan. Our surprising highlight was celebrating Advent at the Fourth Presbyterian Church on Michigan Avenue.

Stepping into this stunning cathedral, with every seat taken, immediately caught me off guard. In an instant, I went from worship to worry. We were a late and I was hoping to slip into the back of the church unnoticed. Before I could hang a u-turn and regroup, an attentive and forceful usher was leading us down the center isle while the service was in progress and instructing several parishioners to squish in to accommodate us. I was mortified and unsure how this all had happened so quickly. As I recovered from my shock I realized I was not breathing.

Sue wedged herself in first. I looked at the space remaining and knew there was not enough runway to land this plane. Not breathing was helpful as I, as inconspicuously as possible, wedged myself into the cubbyhole left for me at the end of the pew.  I felt like a Hummer being parked in a small car only space. I was so grateful that I had the presence of mind to rip my coat off while marching down the aisle; otherwise, I would never have been able to wedge myself in.

Within seconds of my insertion, my right leg had gone numb and the high end piece on the 100 year old oak pew was threatening to sever the brachial artery in my arm. At this state of shock, my only other concern was that when I get nervous I sweat abundantly. I am not the guy who has the oil spill under his arms—no, I am the one who looks like someone just turned the sprinklers on my balding head.

The next thing I remember hearing was the warmth and strength of the voice of John Buchanan, the Senior Pastor at Fourth Pres. He was introducing of all things a capital campaign. I found myself feeling a sense of love and experiencing a sense of peace flood over me. I knew Buchanan’s heart for relationships and his concern for those who were less fortunate. He was guiding his congregation to embrace the point where service, faith and love all came together.

Buchanan was creating an experience of God’s love that was precisely what my soul needed. How ironic, that in a style of worship I was not familiar and a church in which I was a guest, I felt myself calm down and experience the peace of God. I was safe and I was at home. I experienced the love, acceptance, and patience of God through our usher, my buddies in the pew, the community of saints, and my pastor for the morning.

I was reminded of the primacy of relationships and the irreplaceable foundation of love. I had a renewed vision for the work being done at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment. At CLE we are encouraging and training each other to multiply our talents, fulfill our mission, and remind each other that he who lives in love lives in God, and God in him. I knew John Buchanan was not only my brother but my ally in the ministry of redemption. Until all know and experience the personal and unconditional love of God, we won’t rest.

John Buchanan closed his message with a beautiful poem:

I know that I have life

only insofoar as I have love.

I have no love

except it come from Thee.

Help me, please, to carry

this candle against the wind.

Wendell Berry

Let the Light Illuminate Your Life

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Jesus, the great spiritual teacher, claimed to be the light of the world. He did not say he was a light or one of the lights. He said, “I am the light of the world.” This is an amazingly bold claim which requires faith to believe.  It is a statement of such scale that it cannot be proved. It must be believed or discarded. Without true light, all the counselors and therapists of the world would be lost.

Jesus did not claim to be the light of a select few. His proclamation was that he was the light of the world—He was the light of everyone. His invitation was to everyone, offering the light of life to everyone and anyone who would follow him. He said he was the light of life, not the light of day or the light of dawn.  Jesus said he was the light of life. Like our purpose at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment, Jesus’ intention was that everyone would live life abundantly and he understood that to accomplish his mission each of us needs spiritual illumination.                                                                                           

Light reflects one of our most fundamental needs, along with warmth, shelter and clothing. I often remember the initial surge of fear I experience when there is a sudden power outage at night.  Power outages during the day are inconvenient–the clocks stop, the lights don’t work and the garage door opener is inoperable. It is a nuisance; however, when the power goes out at night, it can be terrifying. When we are thrust into darkness, we frantically scramble to find flashlights, matches and candles.  We do not rest or feel safe until we can see.  Dim is tolerable. Pitch black is unbearable.

Yet, many of us are comfortable living in the darkness when it comes to knowing the truth about ourselves. We live with the lies we tell ourselves as well as with those we accept from others. To grow, we have to embrace the truth and the light. We are living in darkness when we are unwilling to know the truth about ourselves. It is insanity; however, often we feel most comfortable when we are most in danger. Denial slowly takes over our senses and deceives us into believing we are safe when we are actually in harm’s way.

Jesus also claimed to be the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). Light and truth are like twins, most often seen together in sacred teachings. They provide both illumination and guidance. I must know where I am in order to get to where I want to be. The most effective way to learn the truth about myself is through the feedback of others. I spent countless hours poring over the scriptures by myself only to discover that the honest feedback of others was the most instructive source of light about myself.

Find a truthful and supportive community like the Center for Christian Life Enrichment in order to surround yourself with others who will care for and support you with the truth in love.

For What Do You Hunger?

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35 (NIV)

How many of our hearts were moved with compassion seeing the dazed and hurting people after the devastating earthquake in Haiti? To make matters worse, how painful was it to empathize with those parents who could not provide food, water and shelter for their children. The fear of being that powerless and dependent is more than many of us are willing to even imagine.
We recognize the magnitude of our most basic needs when we go without them. It is certain that we will all at some time go without what we want and others of us may face going without what we need. All these experiences heighten our awareness of our dependence on others.
Jesus came to both unveil as well as underscore our hunger. Our hungers are reflected in our need for air, food, water, clothing and shelter. Yet, Jesus knew that underlying all our basic survival needs are our even more fundamental yearnings for relationship—and ultimately our relationship with God. Jesus quoted from Deuteronomy saying, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” (Matt 4:4) Jesus was not being dualistic, arguing that we shouldn’t care about food. He was saying that in the same way we hunger for bread and water, our souls also yearn for communion with our Heavenly Father.
When Jesus declared that he was the bread of life, he was saying that his purpose and passion was to feed us. Like any parent, he longed to provide for us the food and water we need to sustain our souls. Jesus declared that if we will only come to him, then he will be our food and water. He claims that he himself is our nourishment and sustenance. A dependent and intimate relationship with God is our pipeline to the abundant life which God has promised. Jesus said, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)
If we will only come to him, like any decent parent on the planet, he will embrace us and provide for us the nourishment we need. Many of us fear the very intimacy we crave. We say we believe that God loves us, yet, our fear and resentment keep us away. We want to be self sufficient. We don’t want to believe we need anyone. We see dependence as weakness. We don’t want to feel again the pain of disappointment, rejection or abandonment.
Jesus said, “And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.” (Luke 12:29-31) Jesus acknowledges our hunger but challenges us to put it in perspective. He tells his followers to not only seek him but to seek his kingdom. Seeking him suggests we are acknowledging our yearning for relationship with him. Seeking his kingdom, means that we strive to live by his principles and fulfill his purposes on earth.
Jesus invited us to live a life of faith in him. A faith not in the seen but rather in the unseen. A life lived in dependence on him and his principles to be our bread and water. A life lived not for safety or security. Instead, a life lived by faith according to the principles and purposes of God. His principles and practices are summed up in one word, love. The Apostle Paul wrote, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” (Gal 5:6)
Jesus exhorted us saying, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.” (Matt 5:6) Embrace the bread of life and love one another.

Authentic Intimacy: An Encounter with Truth

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”
Luke 19:8-10 (NIV)

A rare privilege in life is to have a relationship with someone who sees you accurately with positive regard and still accepts you unconditionally. This is a relationship founded upon truth and authenticity. How extraordinary to be seen by another as having all the resources needed to become the person God has envisioned you to be. This is what every child needs to receive from his or her parents.
This is the story of my initiation into authentic intimacy. I was in my 30’s, having graduated top in my Master’s degree program and successfully practicing therapy for two years. I pursued on opportunity to receive training in group therapy that I thought would round out my resume. I didn’t think I really needed to be in group for myself—I was just learning the skills necessary to be a more effective group facilitator. I was working with Bob Wright, one of the leading therapists in Chicago. I knew he was an exceptional therapist, yet, I was a bit uneasy around him. I felt like he could see through me and I knew he didn’t trust me. I considered myself to be the only Christian in the group and I felt it was part of my mission to lead everyone back to God, including Bob.
After group one afternoon, early into my group life, I saw Bob walking forcefully in my direction. He had an unusual power about him and was unlike anyone I had ever known. I did not understand why I was so terrified of being in a group led by him. What was the big deal? I had been effectively leading groups for years. I was so scared I actually dreaded going to group and felt sick to my stomach each week as the day and time for group grew closer.
Bob was charging down the hall and I was getting that sick feeling that he was coming for me. The next thing I knew, I was up against the wall and Bob was screaming in my face. It was like an out of body experience. Time was suspended and I was hearing every word he was saying with clear precision. I felt torn about what was happening. On the one hand, I was twice his size and wanted to flick him off me and toss him out the window of the high rise we were meeting in. On the other hand, this wild man spitting out his judgments, was seeing me more accurately than anyone else had ever seen me before. What he was saying to me was true. He was loving me with the truth.
Here’ a few of the truths that changed my life. Bob was confronting me on my refusal to be genuine. I was putting on a façade of niceness that was intended to manipulate others into liking me. I was out of touch with and unwilling to express my hurt and anger. I was constantly withholding my judgments and acting superior to him and the other people around me. I saw myself as being the only one who had true faith, acting like I had the inside track to having an authentic relationship with God. I was out of touch with my true self and my feelings. I was not mature enough to experience the kind of intimate and faith-filled relationship I thought I had with God.
I identified with Zaccheus the tax collector in his encounter with Jesus (Luke 19). Zaccheus climbed the tree to see Jesus, yet, in reality, his deeper need was to be seen by Jesus. I had sought out help from Bob because I believed he would see me and help me transform my life. In spite of all of Zaccheus’ wrongdoings, Jesus reached out to him and asked to stay at his home. It was my hope that Bob would help me even though he knew I was hiding behind a façade of niceness, superiority and pseudo-spirituality.
Like Jesus, Bob invited me into a deeper and more authentic relationship with myself. Like Jesus, Bob went out on a limb to befriend what others in his world considered to be an extremely dangerous person—a fundamentalist Christian. Bob had hope for me—he had a vision of who I could become and how I could meaningfully impact the world and the church. Like Zaccheus, I was inspired by his faith in me and dedicated my life to becoming the most genuine, faith-filled, and compassionate Christ-follower I could be.

God and Me–Down and Dirty

Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith

This letter to God was written by one of the clients at CLE who is striving to have a more truthful, genuine, and intimate relationship with God. He is demonstrating the faith and courage to tell it like it is instead of perpetuating his attempts to manipulate God with his artificial fronts and facades. Be both shocked as well as inspired by his authenticity. Notice how uncomfortable you may feel when there are no simple solutions offered. Remember, you cannot become who you want to be unless you are willing to tell the truth about who you are right now.

God and Me–Down and Dirty

I don’t know you.

I don’t know if I can know you.

Sure, I have professed to have a personal relationship with God through his Son, Jesus Christ, the exact representation of God in human form.  But what does that mean?

I acted like I knew you. I acted like I knew all about you.  I told others how to know you, how to pray, how to behave and how to be filled with the Holy Spirit.  What a crock.  I have used You to feed my own superiority and need to matter to others.  I have used You as a way to give my life some meaning and purpose.  I have used You to have an excuse for not taking personal responsibility for my life.  I have said it was not Your will when disappointed or when I have failed to live up to my potential.  I have prayed about things rather than act responsibly.  And I have angered others with my know-it-all pomposity.

When I was little I feared You.  If I did not behave like a good boy, I knew you would punish me.  If I fought with my sisters you would make sure I was beaten by my dad.  If I stole something, I would be whipped with a belt.  You caught me all the time.  When no one else was looking, You knew.  And because you knew, you would see to it that I was punished.   I wanted You to save me and I was too afraid of you to believe You actually would.

If I could get this formula right, perhaps I could find a way to please you.  Maybe if I read about kind, gentle St. Francis of Assisi who was loved even by the animals, who was canonized by the church and a model of love and compassion.  Maybe, if I tried really hard to be like him, I could get close to You and You would save me.  As hard as I tried, I could not be like him.  I could not be kind and loving.  I was still angry, afraid and hurt.

Maybe if I learned the Mass in Latin and served as an altar boy you would find me acceptable.  If I got up early and served at the 6 am service every day of the week you would love me.  I still feel empty.  The music and the incense and the stained glass windows – the tabernacle and the genuflecting and all of the vestments made me think I was getting closer to you.  Not so much.  I was still scared, and angry and hurt. It all became empty ritual.  Why would I continue to do these things when I still hurt inside?  I was afraid of the priests and the nuns and the mistakes I would make.  It was all mysterious and scary.  Who are You that you would terrorize a child with more guilt and more shame and more fear?

God who are you?

What do you want from me?   WHAT DO YOU WANT!  Why won’t you tell me?

I am alone and on my own.  I want to be seen by others but I am afraid. I want to see others and support them, but I can’t even see past my own stuff.   I get in my way all the time.

Why did you make me like this?   Why won’t you help me change?  Why can I not love my wife and children the way I want to? Why do I push them away when I want more than anything to have them close?  Did you make a mistake with me? Do you hate me?  Am I that bad?

What can I do to make you love me?  How can I make it better?

How?

The Bible is not Enough

The Bible is not Enough

I remember when I came to the realization that the Bible is not enough. I was the campus director of Campus Crusade for Christ at Northwestern University. I was sitting across from a female student who was sharing with me that she had been repeatedly sexually abused as a child by her brother. I was stunned, shocked and horrified. I did not know what to say and fortunately did not say anything. I simply cried.

For years, I had been a serious student of the Bible, devoting hours each day to the study and application of the Scriptures. At the time, I was of the belief that a thorough knowledge of Bible would equip me to grow and mature in my spiritual life. In the moment following this student’s vulnerable disclosure, I experienced a crisis of faith. All the passages I might have normally referenced seemed trivial and unfitting. I did not know what to say. I was beginning to realize that the Bible alone was not the answer.

I had a sense that this woman was deeply wounded and needed something more than exhortation from the Scriptures. I felt like I was a Boy Scout with a first aid kit trying to help someone who was hemorrhaging from a severed artery. I felt small, ill-equipped, and powerless. I experienced a moment of disillusionment wondering how God could allow something like this to happen and how could I help her.

I reached out to other Christian professionals for help. Like me, many were appalled and uncertain about how to support her. Finally, someone gave me the name of a Christian counselor. At that time, Christian counseling was an oxymoron. Previously I had been of the opinion that counseling was for those who didn’t know Christ or who were ignorant of the Scriptures. If you were a devoted Christian, then you didn’t need counseling.

My eyes were opened. It was like a second spiritual awakening for me. The same passion I had for wanting to get to know God through studying the Bible, I now had for wanting to understand myself and others. How can I better appreciate why we do what we do? I resonated with Paul when he cried out, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Romans 7:15) I was beginning to understand that spiritual transformation involved more than simply attending church, studying the Bible and practicing spiritual disciplines.

I started reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with psychology and spirituality. The groundbreaking works of Larry Crabb, a pastor and psychologist, were very helpful. Mysteriously, I stumbled upon a book written by Paul Tournier, entitled, Guilt and Grace. Tournier was a Swiss physician and author who integrated Christianity with an understanding of psychology. While reading his book, I suddenly felt, “I make sense.” I was beginning to understand why I struggled with fear, insecurity, and self hate. My eyes were being opened to the possibility of healing in my own hidden areas where I felt irreparably damaged. I was beginning to appreciate that I was in as much need of healing as my student at Northwestern.

I began to understand God and faith from a different point of view. I was seeing how God’s truth was made manifest in all aspects of life, including the both the physical as well as the social sciences. I was learning that the personal and spiritual aspects of life were harmonious. I had hope that I could truly heal from the inside out and I could learn how to help others as well. I was experiencing what it felt like to be in the flow and swimming with the current of God’s love and wisdom. Little did I know that this journey would lead to the formation of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment and the hundreds of lives that have been and are being transformed in a community of grace and truth. We make it our aim to “Live life abundantly.”

Our Hunger for the Shepherd

I opened my email and saw a message from the chancellor of my graduate school.  My stomach tightens. This is not good. I open the email to find a short message instructing me to rewrite several of my papers.  Detonation! My kids refer to this as Dad turning into his “hulk-self.” I wanted revenge, retribution—a slow painful process of payback against my imaginary abuser.

Who doesn’t hunger and thirst to be seen, known, accepted, cared for, protected, guided, and comforted. We all long to return to the Garden, to be with the perfect parent. None of us, however, grows up in the ideal home or has perfect parents. Abraham Maslow recognized the developmental nature of our being, beginning with our physiological need for air, water, food, shelter, sleep and sex.  Without these fundamentals we cannot survive.  Although we might exist for a short while with our physical needs met, without having safety and security we will inevitably perish at the mercy of a predator.

With our physical and safety needs satisfied, now we can begin to address our hunger for love and belonging. We can’t stay alive without the basics, yet, what would be our quality of life if we never know love. Levels one and two in Maslow’s hierarchy addresses our drive to survive. Level three and above deal with our hunger to thrive and ultimately actualize ourselves.  We have been created for abundance—loads of love, nourishment, satisfaction, meaning, and joy.  We are designed to cultivate our gifts and abilities in the service of living extraordinary lives.

At the same time, Jesus says we are sheep.  We are contingent beings, even though we are all but limitlessly gifted; we were created to ”be”—to be fully in relationship with God, each other and ourselves. God has made us to be a magnificent reflection of Himself; capable and competent yet dependent on Him as well as each other. We can survive alone, yet, we only will thrive in shared community with one another.

Jesus claimed to be the good shepherd—the whole, complete and paramount parent of all his sheep. He sees us accurately and is attuned to our every need. He also desires mutuality, as the scriptures say, that his sheep know him intimately. In fact, it is written in the scriptures that Jesus was made in every way like us and tempted in all things as we are. He is us, created us, knows us, intercedes for us, and will never abandon us.