Tag Archives: Chicago

Hitting the Curve Ball

I remember going to watch two friends play in a baseball tournament. Although I learned that the game was rained out, I saw a way to still have some fun. There was a batting cage next to the dugouts and I suggested that we hit a few balls. I had always wanted to tap into my inner Ted Williams. They loved the idea.

 

I dug in and prepared for Dennis to throw me a few pitches. They came straight and fast and I was extremely pleased that I was getting a few hits against a pitcher of his caliber. True to form, my enthusiasm migrated into arrogance and I started trash talking.  “Bring it on…is that all you got!”

 

I saw Dennis get what I now know to be a “pitcher’s grin” and had no idea what he had in store for me. He threw me a couple more fastballs that I devoured as if they were Krispy Kreme donuts. In anticipation of hitting the ball out of the park, I started my swing a little earlier and swung at bit harder at his next pitch.

 

The instant the ball left Dennis’ hand, I knew something was terribly wrong. First, the ball appeared to be coming right at my head and I had no intention of getting close and personal with this rapidly approaching projectile. Second, I was nearly completing my swing and the ball was only half way to the plate. What happened?

 

I desperately tried to slow my swing down; however, my bat was already past the plate rapidly making a run for home.  I was helplessly watching this ball curve down and away from my face as it leisurely traveled through the strike zone. Wow.

 

I was in shock and what brought me back to consciousness was the acute pain in my back resulting from trying to slow down my herculean swing. The howling from my friends was deafening. Dennis was rolling on the ground laughing hysterically and I was trying to find my balance having just been introduced to my first curve ball.

 

I was living in the fantasy of thinking that I was a batting prodigy. With only a few minutes in the batting cage, I was hoping that I would be able to hit like a professional. I see how I have the same fantasies in life. I mistakenly believe that if I were better at things then I would be happy and fulfilled. I confuse the outcome with the process.

 

Life is an ecstatic dance lived spontaneously in the moment. It is free, alive, and mysterious. Attempts to script and control life (both ours as well as others) are lethal.  We habitually seek for certainty and attempt to find comfort in routine and predictability. We mistakenly believe that what we want is to be in control. It may be what we want; however, what we need is to live by faith. Faith is the capacity to move forward in the face of the unknown. It is the courage to act in the face of uncertainty and doubt.

 

A life worth living and a God worth worshipping—I see these as central values in a life well lived. Will you allow me to consider one facet of God using my experience at the batting cage? A God worthy of our worship is like a divine pitcher. He throws the pitches and we try to get a hit.

Our job is to hit the balls we are pitched. Growing in our skill of hitting involves a life dedicated to deliberate practice and a willingness to learn from our mistakes and failings. Winning is redefined as learning and growing from our disappointments and breakdowns. In this game we are a team actively depending on our teammates to be dedicated to becoming the best players possible.

 

We are not the pitcher. It is not our responsibility to select the type of pitch, pace or placement. Our responsibility is to select the pitches we are going to try and hit.  Regardless of their pace and placement, we are here to be continually improving ourselves as batters. Avoid the temptation to focus too much on the pitcher and his pitches.

 

At the Center for Christian Life Enrichment we love supporting players who want to learn, grow and become the best hitters they can be. Join us and become a part of our team. It is a blast and you will see remarkable growth and improvement.

 

My Commencement Speech!

For those of you who were not able to be there in person, I wanted to share with you the excitement and joy that I felt while delivering one of the commencement speeches at the graduation ceremony in which I received my second master’s degree from the Wright Graduate Institute.  It was a great honor to be asked to speak, and I feel grateful for the opportunity to further share my journey, my vulnerability, and my faith!  I hope you will take a look leave me a comment or two letting me know what you think.

~Rich

 

 

My Celebration of Mollie Mae Blue

It has been three years since my dad died. My mom and dad were married for more than 70 years. She has spent the last several years grieving, adjusting to living alone, and living her life to the fullest.

 

Several months ago I received a call from my brother saying that mom was very sick. I called her and knew the minute I heard her voice that she was struggling. Normally invincible, she was experiencing a lot of swelling in her legs, pain all over, and almost no energy. She said her heart was tired and that she was ready die. I will never forget the shockingly forthright and open conversation we had about dying. I was in shock and not on board with her decision yet.

Her condition improved; however, it was apparent that she was nearing the end of this life. Sue and I quickly planned a trip out to see her but it would not be until the end of August—four weeks away. My mom told me that she could not guarantee living that long. I began negotiating with her the terms of her last days. Eventually she agreed that she would intend to live and not die before seeing Sue and me again.

 

How many people are so blessed to have this kind of conversation with their 95-year-old mom? I was filled with inspiration at her recognition of her power. She understood the power of intention and the complexity of death—in some ways it is outside of our control and in other ways we have been given a lot of say-so. Her focus for the month of August was recovering and living until we visited. We talked several times a day and I was monitoring her condition. With every day she gained hope, strength, and aliveness.

 

She not only lived until our visit, she thrived. Her doctor determined what was wrong (Polymyalgia Rheumatica) and the medication she received helped her renew her strength. By the time we saw her she was zipping about the house exuding energy and joy. Somehow, I knew she would do it. Seeing her was such a blessing; however, it was not long before I was bugging her and she was trying to reign me in. Some things never change.

 

My greatest memory of our visit was when my mom told me that she had something to talk with me about. Historically, I had been the one to initiate these kind of heart-to-heart conversations. She told me that she had been praying for the opportunity to share her concerns about my expression of anger. I couldn’t believe it.  I was both shocked and thrilled. To use CLE lingo, she wanted to “clear” with me.

 

She shared with me her concerns and I listened. I shared my perspectives and she listened. The intensity of the conversation grew, as did the aliveness. I was noticing that we were having a respectful and responsible fight.  There was no room for this kind of discussion in our home growing up. I was ecstatic.

 

Suddenly my fear surfaced. What if she died while we were fighting? I saw the scary masks of guilt and shame trying to divert me from the joy and aliveness of the moment. On the contrary, what better way to die than to be truthfully and passionately engaging with one another in the pursuit of intimacy? When we were finished (2 hours seemed like 2 minutes) my mom and I were radiant and energized. I was inspired and filled with joy and gratitude. What a testament to the work we have done to repair and deepen our relationship over the past 25 years. Thank God for my anger!

 

 

Mollie Mae Blue was born on October 16, 1916 in Chicago. (You do the math; this will diminish her upset with me for revealing her age.) 1916 was the year the light switch was invented and the Chicago Cubs won their first game in Weeghman Park (currently Wrigley Field) against the Cincinnati Reds. Mollie Mae was born during World War I (1914-1918), which resulted in the death of more than 9 million combatants. Democratic President Woodrow Wilson narrowly defeated Republican Charles E. Hughes.

 

Mollie and I are continuing daily to enjoy our honest, alive and feeling-filled conversations. I am a blessed son and man.

God’s Infinite Love: My Choice by A.M.

When I first joined assignment group, a senior member of my group told me that no matter what happens in the group, to remember that Rich was always for me 100%.  I learned over time that this was true and that despite whatever happened in group, Rich always had my back.  Even though I was messed up and full of it, Rich still believed in me, supported me, and loved me.  Later I came to learn that this was love and positive regard.

This love was a stark contrast to anything that I had experienced for the first 40 years of my life.  My Dad was anything but loving.  He was a volatile and punitive man and his “love” was conditional.  He was harsh, abusive, and selfish.  I truly feared my father for the first 40+ years of my life.  I see now that he was just trying to get his own needs met, and that he himself had grown up with a harsh and unloving father.

I viewed God as an extension of my father.  I saw him as harsh, mean, petty and unloving.  This was a choice that I made and it colored all of my core beliefs about the world. That took me right up until 2004 or so when I accepted Christ as my savior.  In fact, it took me beyond that.

In 2004, I went on a CLE retreat and experienced Rich’s love in a breath work  exercise.  The next week in church at WCNS, they did an altar call and one of my group members from the retreat joined me as I went forward from my seat.  Shortly after that I was baptized.  It was at that point that I accepted Christ, and my relationship with God began to change.  I began to read the bible and talk more with people about God. And ultimately the door opened for me to change the way I thought about God.

Even after those experiences, I still believed deep down that God was unloving, mean, and punishing.  It is only recently, many years later, that my core beliefs about God have changed.  And I know it has changed because my world view has changed, rather, I have chosen to have another world view and that is only possible because my core belief about God has changed.

It all goes back to Rich and his uncommon love and positive regard for me.  It had been a big leap of faith to accept this as love after what I experienced with my own Father.  I wasn’t always great about taking it in, but when I did, it had a profound impact on me.  I gradually began to love myself.  And I gradually began to accept the possibility that God loved me the same way Rich did, and more.

This all came to a head this summer on a trip to a Willow Creek Camp.  During my daily quiet time with God, I came to see that I did not act in ways that showed that I believed in and trusted a loving God.  I acted as if the world was a place of fear, pain, and scarcity, rather than a playground of abundance and possibilities.  I played it safe, and had a relatively small life as a result.

I had a choice to make.  I could continue to see the world as i always had, or I could see the world through the eyes of a loving and kind heavenly Father.  My experience with Rich in assignment group and on retreats was the means by which I was able to change how I viewed God.  A great verse from the Bible is:

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
(Luke 11:11-13 NIV)

When I compared my Dad to Rich, and then extrapolated Rich to God my heavenly Father, I realized that I had underestimated God’s love for me by an infinite amount.  More importantly, I saw that my belief about God’s love and goodness is a faith choice. I can choose to see God as loving and kind and the world as full of opportunities and abundance.  Or I can continue to believe as I always have. This is really a question of faith, since there is plenty of evidence for both.

I have decided to trust God and to and to believe that God is for me 100% (or more!)  I believe that God loves me, and will provide for me, and that the world is a place of promise, of opportunity, and of abundance.

My work is to act out that faith every day.  I need to live a big life, and take appropriate risks.  I need to see a loving God at work in the world, in everything that happens to me, and to see it all as for my good.  It is a choice that I must continue to make every day.

The Web of Life: A Divine System

 

 

The first time I met John (alias) I knew I was in for a battle. His face was hard and his gaze was steady. My characteristic use of warmth, fun and humor were not working; if anything, I was making things worse. His answers were short and brusque. He was angry and sarcastic. He loved to argue and I could tell that he was a black belt in dispute. I was scared.

I wasn’t sure whether John would come back. Not only did he have a session the following week, the weeks turned into months and I gradually saw his heart soften and his soul heal. Since that day I have had the joy of being in relationship with John for many years. John was the proverbial lion with a thorn in his paw. His anger was a shield used to protect his wounded heart. He presented himself as a combatant, yet, underneath his mask he was a lover.

John, like all of us, was deeply impacted by the family he grew up in. It was in this system that John learned the rules of life and roles that he was expected to play. He was the oldest and it became his responsibility to raise his many siblings since dad was an AAA kind of guy—angry, absent and alcoholic. John experienced a lot of pain and endured a lot of hardship—not the least of which was witnessing the senseless death of his brother.

We are parts of a whole, never meant to operate independent of one another. We are interconnected and form what Fritjof Capra has termed the web of life. We are unique and interrelated individuals; each of us is separate and unique, yet, designed to be a part of a whole much larger and more complex than the sum of its parts.

Without an understanding of systems, we will live life with a very narrow and limited perspective. We will see only the parts and miss the mystery and awe of the whole. We will not understand the building blocks of lasting change. We will live isolated and insulated lives that will blind us to the larger system of which we are a part.

The Apostle Paul understood the importance of systems making up the core of the divine creation. He wrote, “Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free —and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. (1Corinthians 12:12-14)

Life is a series of interdependent systems. Systems have a hierarchical nature and consist of subsystems combining together to form increasingly complex and dynamic systems. The human body is the picture of interdependent magnificence—cells combine to form tissues, tissues form organs, and organs make up organisms.

We are all cells, tissues, organs, and organisms created in the image of God. All of us are fashioned to love and care for one another. We are intended to need each other. What better way to honor God than to live authentically and consciously in the here and now, maximizing our potential in every moment. There is no greater calling than to love ourselves, love each other, and love the Source of All.

Growing and Faith

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

I am concerned about the ever-present temptation to move away from truly living by faith.

Growing involves the willingness to learn, fail and learn again. Growing is about continually striving and never arriving. Jesus’ disciples quickly learned that faith was central to everything that mattered to Him. When the disciples asked Jesus about how they could have more faith, he suggested to them that faith was not about quantity as if they needed more of it. He told them that if they had the faith the size of a mustard seed they could move mountains. Faith is unquantifiable. Faith is a muscle—it is a way of being and relating to another. The heart of faith is about who we place our faith in.

Dynamic faith is about relationship. It is connected to the relationship I have with the person I am putting my faith in. Faith is central to growing and deepening our relationship with the transcendent God. The author of the book of Hebrews writes, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6) Faith is intangible and yet vital to spiritual growth.

By nature, I am opposed to living by faith. I prefer certainty over mystery and mastery over learning. I feel driven to understand faith and have it make sense. I love to learn—sort of; however, one of my temptations is to believe I understand more than I do. I forget that learning and growing is really about what we don’t know. Learning requires the courage to stretch into the unknown. It is more interested in pursuing the unknown than resting in the known. Carol Dweck in her book, Mindset, refers to the growth vs. the fixed mindset. The fixed mindset is all about figuring things out. The growth mindset focuses on learning, stretching and growing. We must be willing to err and fail if we are going to meaningfully learn and grow.

All of my adult life I have been seeking and studying faith. I am in the process of publishing my first book, Grappling with God, and it is concerned with growth and the role of faith. I am discovering that just when I think I have faith figured out I fall flat on my face—faith down. I am learning that authentic faith is about not knowing. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1) Faith is about an experience. The Bible speaks of faith being and encounter with God. It is pursuing relationship with the Transcendent Other in the face of uncertainty and not-knowing.

As I write this sentence, I notice my desire to be more precise and certain about what faith is and isn’t. How can I be writing an article about faith and not be certain of what I am saying? Maybe my lack of certainty is the very quality that allows me to discuss such a sacred experience. I believe faith represents a drive, a human potentiality, within all people that seeks actualization. Man is moved toward faith by an inner awareness of the Transcendent to which he senses his connection. It is this connection that we all seek—an encounter with the holy and mysterious Other. Our hearts seek an experience with unconditional love. Paul Tillich writes, “The unconditional concern which is faith is the concern about the unconditional. The infinite passion, as faith has been described, is the passion for the infinite.” (Tillich, 1957)

Tillich, P. (1957). The Dynamics of Faith. New York: Perennial Classics.

Faith—An Experience of God

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

 

 

The Oxford English Dictionary defines faith as, “Confidence, reliance, belief, esp. without evidence or proof. The spiritual apprehension of divine truth or intangible realities.”

 

I am struck by the phrase, “without evidence or proof.” When I was 16 and chose to follow Christ, I was deeply touched by my experience. I sang songs, heard talks and read the Bible for six months searching for proof that believing in Jesus made sense. However, what moved me to ultimately dedicate my life to being a follower of Jesus was my experience. It was an elaborate symphony of sounds that all resonated in my soul awakening me to my deepest desires. It was the spiritual apprehension of intangible realities.

 

I felt wanted. I attended my first Young Life meeting because I was so touched when Shep and Jim invited me. I remember where I was in the library at Miramonte High School. I had no idea what Young Life was; however, it really didn’t matter. I was more interested in who invited me. These were good guys, leaders and more importantly at the time, athletes. I was blown away that they wanted me. I was lonely and hungry for affirmation. I wanted to be wanted.

 

I felt safe. After attending my first meeting, I was surprised by how relaxed and peaceful I felt. I had a sense of joy and aliveness. For the first time that I could remember I felt safe in a group of people. Nothing seemed to matter to them except for their love for each other and Jesus. I didn’t have to worry about feeling fat or not feeling cool. The only other place I had felt safe was on the field when I was fully engaged in the sport of football.

 

I felt OK. Although I had no real understanding of who Jesus was, I experienced the sense that I was accepted and wanted. I felt loved and people seemed to genuinely care about me. It had been such a long time since I had felt that way. When I was with this community, I started to let go of my ever-present fear that I would be found out and kicked out. I was sensing that I was OK just the way I was.

 

I felt I mattered. I could tell that people really wanted to be with me. People were calling me to make sure I was coming to things, and I didn’t miss a thing. I started feeling like I was part of the group even though I hadn’t formally accepted Christ.

 

The real test of my faith came when I was invited to attend the year-end Young Life celebration. It was a pool party and I was mortified. All my fears of rejection were contained in my mistaken belief that I was fat and undesirable. I kept dodging the invitations until Jim and Shep cornered me and demanded either a commitment or an explanation. I wasn’t going to lie and I didn’t want to tell—so I went.

 

It was only minutes after arriving at the party that I was in the pool having fun, having been distracted from my painful self-hatred. I was immersed in the waters of loving community. It was very early the next morning that I had an experience with Christ personally. After experiencing the love, acceptance and belonging I had been searching for, it seemed natural that I would express my love for and faith in Jesus.

 

For a time I cherished my experience with Jesus. As I got older, however, I moved away from the faith of my experience with Christ. Instead, I turned to validating my faith through Scripture, philosophy, and apologetics. I moved away from the faith in my experience. I am grateful that my journey of faith has brought me back to the solid rock of my experience.

 

I love to talk with others who are on the journey of faith and doubt. Authentic faith is alive and personal, whereas, belief is often dead and conceptual. I long to talk about who my faith is in rather than what I believe. I crave the community of those are living life in the here and now and sharing their experiences of faith.  I invite you to join us at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment. We are a community of those who want more authentic faith and intimacy with God and each other.

 

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (Psalm 34:8)

 

4 Steps to Revitalize Your Marriage

    A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  John 13:34

 

Marriage. It is fun and exciting at first; however, it is much more challenging to nurture and grow over the long haul. Falling in love and deciding to get married is like parachuting for the first time. Initially your decision of whether or not to parachute is filled with terror, excitement, and anticipation. All the focus is on whether or not you will actually go through with it and whether or not you will survive.

 

Once the wedding is over, now what? Couples cope with the transition from engagement to marriage differently. Some panic and frantically try to keep the drama going.  They are seeking another high like they had when they were courting. They want to date instead of dig in and develop their relationship. Others shuffle ahead in their relationship as if they were on autopilot.  They mindlessly move forward, establishing their careers, having children, and struggling to be the best parents they can be. Whether we seek the dating high or the deadness of numbing out, all of us can benefit greatly by practicing a few basic strategies.

 

All of our marriages will benefit from some coaching and guidance. We seem more equipped to find a mate and less prepared to know what to do once we are married. Most people do not seek out help until there is some breakdown of significance. All of us want marriages that are better than our parents’; however, eventually we realize that we have our parents’ marriage.

 

I want to introduce you to four principles (F-E-A-R) that I believe make up the foundation of healthy, growing and vital relationships. I will briefly introduce each of the principles and elaborate on them in future blogs. At CLE, we have proven that practicing these principles will transform your relationships with yourself, with others, and with God.

 

FEEL

 

Feelings are the language of the heart. Our hearts are moved when we are touched by meaningful experiences and encounters. When our hearts are moved, feelings are released. Although feelings occur naturally, most of us have learned to deny and numb ourselves to our feelings. To renew and revitalize our relationships we must reconnect with our hearts and our feelings.

 

EXPRESS

 

As you become increasingly aware of your feelings, the next step is to express them. Experiencing your feelings without expressing them is both unhealthy and stingy. Feelings are to be both experienced and expressed. Feelings enable our hearts to become attached to each other.  Feelings expressed build safety, comfort and closeness with others. Expressing our feelings floods your relationships with energy, joy and aliveness. Expressing our feelings helps us connect with our deepest hungers.

 

ATTACH

 

Attachment is the process infants go through when they bond with their mothers. For a child to develop a healthy sense of attachment they need to be accurately perceived in the here and now, with positive regard, consistently, and unconditionally. As adults and especially as partners, we need our attachment needs met continually. We don’t top needing to be seen and heard ever. We not only need to feel and express ourselves; we need to provide a safe haven for our spouses to feel and express themselves.

 

RISK

 

Take action. Feel, express, and engage with your partner. Listen to them, learn what they want and need, and give it to them. Risk feeling awkward and doing something that might not feel comfortable. Take the initiative and lead in your relationship. Both partners need to think of how they can invest in their marriage as well as building into themselves.

 

 

Watch for the upcoming blogs where we will unpack the importance of each of these strategies: Feel/Express/Attach/Risk. Love one another.

 

 

Friendships: The Most Worthwhile Investments

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13 

 

Relational unrest and breakdown is all around us and has hit close to home. Recently, we were surprised to see moving vans in front of the house of our next-door neighbors. They were a young couple with three kids. We later learned that they were going through a messy divorce. We never even knew they were struggling. Last week we were shocked to see the police surrounding the house of another neighbor two doors down from us. A domestic disturbance led to a five-hour siege with SWAT teams converging on this older couple’s home. We had no idea they were having any trouble. Sadly, the husband committed suicide.

 

Relationships are a mixed bag. We experience the most intense pain as well as the most meaningful pleasure in our relationships with others. From the moment of our conception, people are surrounding us. Conception initiates a relationship in which the fetus is completely dependent on his or her maternal host for existence. From start to finish, we cannot live without each other.

 

Admittedly, our survival is dependent on other people; however, without meaningful and nourishing relationships, we only exist and fail to experience the fullness of life. If we desire to have the abundant life that God wishes for each of us (John 10:10), we must cultivate our capacities and sharpen our skills for engaging authentically and meaningfully with others.

 

Relationships are a function of how we relate to ourselves. We are the living channel through which we relate to others. How we see, feel about, and treat ourselves matters—it impacts how we interface with others. Much like how the diet of a breast-feeding mother influences the digestion of her baby, so how we relate with ourselves influences how we will attach with others.

 

Many of us take our people skills for granted, mistakenly assuming that our capacity to connect meaningfully with each other is automatic—it is as if relating to each other were a part of our autonomic nervous system. Most of us will spend at least sixteen years investing in our education; yet, how many of us will even spend a couple hours with a counselor or life coach to enhance our friendships. We assume that we should naturally know how to relate effectively with others. Patently untrue.

 

It is a fact that we will all have relationships; however, what is in question is the quality and depth of our relationships. Relationships are on a continuum, from schizoid and splintered to intimate and interdependent. We have the choice as well as the responsibility to decide whether we want to have mediocre relationships or fulfilling friendships.

 

How we relate to others is heavily influenced by the quality and characteristics of the relationships we had with our parents and our siblings. It would behoove us all to take a second look at the health of our relationships within our family of origin. No family is perfect—all are filled with a blend of hurtful and healthy experiences.  The wise person is the one who learns from their past and practices for his or her future. As you learn and grow you can increase your capacity for intimacy with others. You attract more relationships and build more nourishing and genuine friendships.

 

Please join me for a free webinar at 12:30 CST on Wednesday, January 4, in which I will be introducing some of the key concepts about friendships from my new book, Grappling with God: Renew Your Relationship and Deepen Your Faith. The 25 minute webinar is entitled, “7 Steps for Genuine Friendships.”  Register @ https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/466304954.

Courageously Committing


 “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred… unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

 

Meaningful decisions that lead to personal transformation begin with courageous commitment and are brought to completion with burning desire and determined dedication.  This is one of the most important principles a person can learn in life. Many people wait for God to move and then they act. We have found at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment (CLE) that having the faith to risk stepping out into the unknown triggers the collaborative assistance of God.

 

Living by faith demands that we take risks and are willing to live our lives as an adventure in learning. Carol Dweck’s research on living with a growth mindset says that if we are not taking risks and making mistakes then we are not learning to our capacity. For some, learning came to a halt when they stopped going to school. I believe God designed us to be lifelong learners. We need to be living our lives in such a way that we are continually learning and growing. Taking risks, making mistakes, and incorporating the lessons learned is the formula for expanding faith and living increasingly fruitful lives.

 

I think of the growth mindset as the foundation for living by faith, recognizing that God is more concerned about our development and maturation than He is in us getting everything right. God is not a neurotic perfectionistic control-freak who is obsessed with us doing everything correctly. Instead, I believe God is a guide, mentor, coach, teacher and father who wants us to learn, grow, risk, and make mistakes in the pursuit of learning and living an abundant life. His plan is that we live courageously and learn from our mistakes as we become like His son, Jesus.

 

I have been inspired by the testimony of this courageous teenager whose speech I shared in my last blog post (Celebrating Courage and Commitment). Her dedication to learn and grow is highlighted by the fact that when she went out for cross country as a freshman in high school, she was out of shape and had never run competitively. She saw her life as an adventure and she wanted more. She knew she needed something and she understood that it was her responsibility to go out and get it. She wasn’t waiting for life to come to her. Somehow, she understood that it was her job to take risks and pursue opportunities.

 

She identified that distance running was interesting and valuable and she went out for the team. She knew she was inexperienced and was not unusually gifted athletically. Her success was the result of her initial commitment, her ongoing dedication and practice, her care for and investment in her teammates, and the support of her team and community. She led with her hunger and her character instead of her talent. She was quickly recognized as a leader and contributor on the team even though she was never one of the top atheletes.

 

This story is especially touching to me because I have lived with the mistaken belief that only those who are the best athletically are winners. My value as a human being has been a function of a host of external measures of success. For me, historically my success has been an illusive prey. When I first competed in a sport, my worth and value depended on whether I made the team. Once I made the team, the issue then became whether I would earn a starting position. Once I became a starter, then the question was whether I would earn all-league honors. If I made all league, then the concern would be whether I earned all state honors.  The measurement of my worth and value continued to move beyond what I could ever achieve. The net result was at some point I would fail to reach the goal and achieve the recognition. Was I now a failure?

 

All of these goals share the quality of having an external locus of control. They are all outside of the person and represent some form of external accomplishment and validation. The issue is not what you yourself value; instead, the issue becomes what those outside of you decide are the measures of success. Those objectives, like the rabbit at the dog track, eventually end up being beyond our grasp.

 

What inspires me in this story is that this young lady may have never won a race. Her last race was a PR (short, for personal record time). Her best time may never have resulted in her placing in a race. What then was she running for?  Instead of winning, she was competing. Instead of being the best, she was working hard. Instead of being the star, she was more interested in serving the team. She led from the pack instead of from the front. She earned her position as team captain based on her character as well as her commitment to the well being of her teammates.

 

This young lady is an inspirational transformational leader.  She is learning the power of living from principles instead of from performance. She is learning how to experience the joy and nourishment resulting from living true to her heart’s desires.