Tag Archives: Christian

Honoring Your Anger

5 Replies

(This is an exerpt from the fourth chapter of my soon to be released book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith. This chapter emphasizes the importance of learning how to feel and express anger powerfully and responsibly in all our relationships)


Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me… (Matthew 16:22)

 

We believe at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment that to be in meaningful relationship requires consciousness—an awareness of what is true in the moment and the willingness to share yourself with another. To experience true intimacy with others, including with God, we must strive to be fully ourselves, to share what is true, especially where our emotions are concerned. If we focus on what we think to the detriment of what we feel, we will not accurately reflect our true selves. If we are out of touch with our emotions or always censure ourselves and what we feel in an attempt to put our best foot forward, others will sense that we are not fully present. We, too, will experience a lack, thus undermining our ability to understand ourselves and to engage in alive and spiritually mature relationships with others and with God.

We may mistakenly believe that keeping a tight rein on our feelings will make us appear more rational, even-tempered, and likeable. When we deny our feelings or stuff them away, however, we cut ourselves off from an essential source of information about ourselves and our interactions with others.  Our feelings ground us in the here and now. They reflect an immediate understanding of what is happening within us in the moment. To become more Christ-like—meaning fully alive, authentic, and present in the moment—we need to have full access to our feelings as well as our thoughts. Only when we can feel our feelings and express them to others, connecting heart to heart, are we able to experience life on a much deeper and more meaningful level.

At first, we may have an easier time experiencing and expressing with what we perceive to be positive emotions. The first three on the SASHET spectrum (sad, angry, scared, happy, excited, and tender) may make us uncomfortable or even wary. We tell ourselves that expressing happiness or tenderness is acceptable, but sadness and fear must be in moderation, and anger is usually not acceptable. We judge certain emotions to be “good” and others to be “bad.”

All our emotions, however, are gifts from God and resources to help us live our lives to the fullest. Our anger, sadness, and fear are just as important as the happiness, excitement, and tenderness we feel. Whether we feel anger or tenderness, it is all valuable information that helps further our relationships. In the cockpit of an airplane, there are many instruments and gauges, the function of which may not be known to us. However, to a trained pilot, each one is crucial: some to be looked at every second and others only needed in an emergency.

Feelings are the instruments in our cockpit, yet many people fail to recognize their importance, mistakenly thinking that the gauges measuring our thoughts are all-sufficient.  As Christians, many of us have learned to fear our emotions, in particular the one we will focus on in this chapter: anger.

Because of the way we have been raised, we may have mistaken beliefs around anger, perceiving it as hurtful, abusive, mean, and even dangerous. We recall Paul’s advice to the Colossians to rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8), and see anger as morally wrong. At first glance, it would seem that the advice of this chapter to “honor our anger” contradicts the teaching of scripture.  While I agree with the spirit of Paul’s teaching, I disagree with how it has been used in the church to limit and manage people’s aliveness.  I will show that our anger is power and, although power can be misused, it is an essential resource if we are truly intent to be becoming more like Christ (please read Grappling with God when it is released for the whole story).

As spiritually mature followers of Christ, we must learn how to experience our anger and express it in such a way that empowers us and deepens our relationships. It seems paradoxical: using anger to nurture our relationships with others and with God, since many of us consider this emotion to be as cutting as a knife and perhaps just as deadly. There is, however, great risk to ourselves and to others when we stifle our anger. Unexpressed anger builds until we are like volcanoes, ready to explode. In contrast, anger that’s recognized and processed in the moment, and then expressed in a responsible and mature way, clears the air and opens the lines of communication with our spouse, family members, friends and associates—and also with God. If we are going to have a spiritually mature and alive relationship with God, we need to drop our pretenses and “get real” about what we feel. Only by admitting to ourselves and to others, including God, when we are angry can we reach a level of comfort and genuineness that leads to true intimacy.

 

Truth is Love

5 Replies

(This is an exerpt from the third chapter of my soon to be released book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith.)

 

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)

 

I was a participant on a weekend retreat whose aim was to equip me to be more honest and live more in integrity.  I found myself packed into a small room with my team waiting to have our performance evaluated on a series of projects we had completed. There were facilitators present who had been monitoring our team work. They were there to empower us to examine the extent to which we operated in good faith, living true to our commitments, principles and values.

I was scared, unaccustomed to accountability. I felt like I was back in the Principal’s office, terrified that I was going to get in trouble. I realized I spent most of my life trying to be good and do everything right in order to avoid getting punished. I had made it a point to avoid accountability and scrutiny at all costs. As my fear grew, I began to ask myself, “Why in the world did I sign up for a retreat on truthfulness and accountability?” “What was I thinking?”

Time passed and I began to feel a bit calmer and let down my guard. Out of the blue, one of the facilitators asked who on our team was responsible for cleaning the bathrooms. In that instant, it seemed as if I was a prisoner caught trying to escape and the spotlight was pointed right at me. Oh no! Everything shifted to slow motion and I was on the hot seat and my buns were frying!

I knew I had been working hard and accomplishing a number of tasks. My mind started reviewing the cleaning task we had been working on that morning. Suddenly, I remembered I had agreed to make a final check of the bathrooms and I had forgotten to do it. It was my fault! I was the culprit.

In an instant, I felt like I was fighting for my life. I had blown it and left myself open to get in trouble. How could I defend myself? Didn’t it make a difference that I had done so much more than everyone else on my team. I had worked the hardest and had done the most and didn’t that count for something?

Over the next couple hours, the facilitators along with my team members attempted to help me to admit the truth that I was at fault. They wanted me to tell the truth that I had failed to follow through on what I committed to do. I felt like they wanted me to admit I had lied and my defense was that I had simply forgotten. In my mind, they wanted to blame, shame and punish me.

Later I would see that my inability to love and accept myself was preventing me from admitting that I had made a mistake. How could I be wrong and stay on my own side? What I feared they wanted to do to me was in fact what I had been doing to myself for years. I was my own harshest critic. My attempts to defend myself became a self-fulfilling prophecy. My stubborn defensiveness was what caused others to want to punish me–not my failure to clean the bathrooms!

Gradually, their persistence broke through my resistance. I realized that they were investing in me and not trying to beat me up. They were determined to help me see what was true and at the same time accept myself. Admitting I was wrong and accepting that I had fallen short was something I had rarely done. Historically, my strategy had been to try and be perfect so that no one could ever punish me again.

My breakdown along with their commitment to truth became the gateway to my experience of grace and forgiveness. My willingness to put myself in a situation where I would be seen and held accountable opened the door for me to experience a deeper level of self-acceptance and grace. My strategy to avoid making mistakes at all costs was robbing me of the joy of discovering that the world was both a classroom and a playground in which I could try new things, make mistakes, learn, and grow.

 

Truth Indispensable

1 Reply

This is an exerpt from the third chapter of my soon to be released book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith. This book details the process of personal transformation practiced at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment. This chapter emphasizes how truth is the indespensible agent of change and at CLE we emphasize the power of personal and process based truth expressed in the here and now.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)

I was a participant on a weekend retreat whose aim was to equip me to be more honest and live more in integrity.  I found myself packed into a small room with my team waiting to have our performance evaluated on a series of projects we had completed. There were facilitators present who had been monitoring our work as a team. They were there to empower us to examine the extent to which we operated in good faith, living true to our commitments, principles and values.

I was scared, unaccustomed to accountability. I felt like I was back in the Principal’s office, terrified that I was going to get in trouble. I realized I spent most of my life trying to be good and do everything right in order to avoid getting punished. I had made it a point to avoid accountability and scrutiny at all costs. As my fear grew, I began to ask myself, “Why in the world did I sign up for a retreat on truthfulness and accountability?” “What was I thinking?”

Time passed and I began to feel a bit calmer and let down my guard. Out of the blue, one of the facilitators asked who on our team was responsible for cleaning the bathrooms. In that instant, it seemed as if I was a prisoner caught trying to escape and the spotlight was pointed right at me. Oh no! Everything shifted to slow motion and I was on the hot seat and my buns were frying!

I knew I had been working hard and accomplishing a number of tasks. My mind started reviewing the cleaning task we had been working on that morning. Suddenly, I remembered I had agreed to make a final check of the bathrooms and I had forgotten to do it. It was my fault! I was the culprit.

In an instant, I felt like I was fighting for my life. I had blown it and left myself open to get in trouble. How could I defend myself? Didn’t it make a difference that I had done so much more than everyone else on my team. I had worked the hardest and had done the most and didn’t that count for something?

Over the next couple hours, the facilitators along with my team members attempted to help me to admit the truth that I was at fault. They wanted me to tell the truth that I had failed to follow through on what I committed to do. I felt like they wanted me to admit I had lied and my defense was that I had simply forgotten. In my mind, they wanted to blame, shame and punish me.

Later I would see that my inability to love and accept myself was preventing me from admitting that I had made a mistake. How could I be wrong and stay on my own side? What I feared they wanted to do to me was in fact what I had been doing to myself for years. I was my own harshest critic. My attempts to defend myself became a self-fulfilling prophecy. My stubborn defensiveness was what caused others to want to punish me–not my failure to clean the bathrooms!

Gradually, their persistence broke through my resistance. I realized that they were investing in me and not trying to beat me up. They were determined to help me see what was true and at the same time accept myself. Admitting I was wrong and accepting that I had fallen short was something I had rarely done. Historically, my strategy had been to try and be perfect so that no one could ever punish me again.

My breakdown along with their commitment to truth became the gateway to my experience of grace and forgiveness. My willingness to put myself in a situation where I would be seen and held accountable opened the door for me to experience a deeper level of self-acceptance and grace. My strategy to avoid making mistakes at all costs was robbing me of the joy of discovering that the world was both a classroom and a playground in which I could try new things, make mistakes, learn, and grow.

Divinely Designed Relationships

3 Replies

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) 

           At the Center for Christian Life Enrichment, we are divinely designed for relationship. Created in the image and likeness of God, we are born with certain traits that encode us for connection. Even our personalities are shaped by experiences we have with others. From our nature to our nurture, we hunger and yearn for safe, nourishing, affectionate, comforting, supportive, mature, and intimate relationships.

            And yet, we spend so much of our time trying to hide from others. As much as we long to be seen and known, we constantly try to conceal ourselves behind masks and facades. The reason, I believe, is that we see ourselves as flawed and lacking, and somehow totally unworthy of being loved. Afraid of being exposed as objectionable and unlovable, we try to become invisible, or else we project a superior air to keep everyone else at arm’s length. Out of fear and shame, we hold back our spouses, families, friends, and even God. We are even disconnected from ourselves.

This epitomized my life in the late 1980s when, as a Christian counselor, I joined a therapy group in downtown Chicago led by a man named Bob Wright. It has been suggested to me that I participate in Bob’s groups in order to become more alive and potent. I came to this experience being very comfortable with groups. I had been participating in them all the way back to high school, and I had been leading groups in the ministry for ten years.  This group, however, was nothing like any of my prior experiences. First of all, it was not a traditional group in which people talk about their issues or recent experiences. It was what Bob called an “assignment group,” meaning people were intently focused on learning, growing and experiencing genuine openness and honesty with each other in the here and now. I found it totally chaotic, confusing, and unnerving.

            Although I pretended to be engaged, I sat back and observed, silently judging everyone else. I couldn’t connect with these people because I saw myself as superior to them. The truth, however, was that I was terrified! With their emotional intensity and angry confrontations at times, the group made me extremely uncomfortable. What I couldn’t see, however, was that the source of my unease was myself—not them.  

            As soon as group was over, I tore out of there, sometimes literally running down the hall under the guise of catching my train. One night as I rushed to leave, Bob Wright raced after me and literally pushed me up against the wall. With his finger in my face he yelled, “I know your game. I know what you’re doing. You come across as if you are so caring and kind, but you’re mean and judgmental. You’re not what you make yourself out to be.”

            My first instinct was to fling this guy off me. But on a much deeper level, I had the completely opposite reaction. For the first time, I was seen and known. As Bob ripped into me, exposing me as a fraud to myself, he gave me the most loving of gifts—the truth. Only by embracing that difficult truth could I ever break through the shell I had built over the years in hopes of becoming invulnerable to pain and hurt. Only then, could I truly connect with others, to see them as they were and to allow them to see me.

     My relationships with others and God have been the foundation of my journey of transformation. Reaching out to others for feedback about myself has been the cornerstone of the remaking of my most authentic self. The truth I have received from others has been the raw materials used in the reconstruction of my most Christ-like self. I now trust that for me to become like Jesus, I must be fostering authentic community with others who are dedicated to our mutual transformation through the sharing of truth with each another.

     This blog is from the first chapter of my new book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith, which is going to be released soon. Watch for the pre-release resources we will be making available.

Let Your Light Shine

1 Reply

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Jesus, the great spiritual teacher, claimed to be the light of the world. He did not say he was a light or one of the lights. He said, “I am the light of the world.” This is an amazingly bold claim which requires faith to believe.  It is a statement of such scale that it cannot be proved. It must be believed or rejected. Issues of faith are at the heart of the work we do at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment (CLE).

Jesus did not claim to be the light of a select few. His proclamation was that he was the light of the world—He was everyone’s light. His invitation was to all–all inclusive, offering the light of life to everyone and anyone who would follow him. He said he was the light of life, not the light of day or the light of dawn.  Jesus said he was the light of life. Jesus’ intention was that everyone would live life abundantly and he understood that to accomplish his mission each of us needs spiritual illumination. At CLE, we believe every individual is created in the image of God and has infinite worth and value.

Light reflects one of our most primal needs, along with warmth, shelter and clothing. I always remember the initial wave of terror when I experience a sudden power outage at night.  Power outages during the day are inconvenient–the clocks stop, the lights don’t work and the garage door opener is inoperable. It is a real nuisance.  When the power goes out at night, however, it can be terrifying. When we are thrust into darkness, we frantically scramble to find flashlights, matches and candles.  We do not rest and feel safe until we can see.  Dim is tolerable. Pitch black is unbearable.

Yet, many of us are comfortable living in the darkness when it comes to knowing the truth about ourselves. We live with lies we tell ourselves as well as with those we accept from others. We must embrace the truth and the light. We must seek to know truth like we would seek light when we are lost in the dark. We are living in darkness when we are unwilling to the know the truth about ourselves. Mistakenly, we are most comfortable when we are in the most danger. Denial slowly takes over our senses and deceives us into believing we are safe when we are actually in harm’s way. Meeting with a Christian therapist offers you the opportunity to have someone reflect back to you the truth you do not see about yourself. The only way to become your most Christ-like self, is to solicit the genuine feedback of others who will tell you the truth about you.

Along with being light, Jesus claimed to be the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). Light and truth are like twins, most often seen together in sacred teachings. They provide both illumination and instruction. When I am lost, I must identify the truth about where I am before I can get to where I want to be. I believe the most simple and effective way to learn the truth about myself is through soliciting the feedback of others. When I was younger, I hid out from relationships with others by spending countless hours poring over the scriptures in an attempt to know myself. As I matured, I realized that by getting into relationship with others and inviting honest feedback from them, I was opening myself up to one of the most potent sources of light.

Let your light shine on one another that we might grow increasingly into the likeness of Christ.

Having the Eyes to See The Doors of Opportunity

1 Reply

I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:9-10)

Doors signify times of transition and opportunity.  Doors represent the fear of leaving what is behind and the anticipation of what lies ahead. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:13-14)  Paul understood the importance of doors. He experienced many challenges in which he chose to leave behind the familiar and move into the unknown trusting in God’s direction and companionship. At CLE we love to be a part of supporting those who are searching and seeking for MORE in their lives.

One of the first big doors in my life was when I was 16 years old and recovering from the sobering realization that football was not me nor my life. The previous season, I had played only one play the entire season. The cornerstone of my identity had always been my prowess in football. I was both devastated by my dreadful performance and determined to regain my identity as a powerful football player. I was desperate and determined to succeed.

I persevered and the next season I regained my starting position on the team. In spite of my accomplishment, I was left with a nagging sense of disillusionment and a profound sense of despair. My eyes were opening to the fact that success in football was not sufficient to satisfy my deeper longings. Up until then, I had not been willing to consider what truly nourished me and gave my life meaning and purpose.

It was during this time of existential doubt and despair that I was hungry to find new doors. Previously, all my activities centered around football. For the first time I was open and looking for something more. A friend invited me to a Young Life[1] meeting. I accepted his invitation when I would have avoided it previously. I knew virtually nothing about God except the hymn, Holy, Holy, Holy, and the Ten Commandments. I was changing. I was choosing to take responsibility for my life. Doors were appearing and I was pursuing opportunities to grow. I was asking questions instead of regurgitating answers. Anxiety was morphing into excitement and I was on the hunt for meaning and satisfaction.

Many of us make it our life purpose to avoid challenges and temptations, both for ourselves as well as those we love. We inadvertently rob ourselves and others of the opportunities to find doors through which we can escape the matrixes of our mistaken rules and beliefs. We worship the god of the status quo. James writes, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

What I discovered by going through the door of Christ was the experience of believing that I was being regarded by God with the utmost respect. I was being offered unconditional compassion and acceptance. I was experiencing what I didn’t even know I had been searching and longing for. The pain resulting from my setbacks in football was awakening me from a deep sleep. The suffering I experienced was a beacon guiding me to the possibility of transformation. I could now see doors where previously I had only seen walls.

If you are going through a season of hardships which seem like setbacks, look for the doors of opportunity. Seek out the support from those who are More Knowledgable Others, like the counseling staff at CLE. Have the courage to let go of what you have known and be willing to try doors you may have never considered or seen before.

Ask God for the eyes to see and the ears to hear his voice. I believe God’s desire is that each of us knows we are loved by Him and that we dedicate ourselves to becoming our most whole, complete, and Christ-like selves. Paul’s promise for those who are willing to fight the good fight is, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Cor 10:13)

[1] A non-denominational Christian ministry that reaches out to adolescents.

Paired Sharing with God

Leave a reply

One of the simplest yet powerful tools we use at CLE is paired sharing*. This is an exercise where two or more people agree to purposefully and intentionally alternate between sharing and listening to one another. We ask people to use a timer and have a set period of time in which they share, beginning with rounds of two to three minutes each.  One person talks while their partner listens silently. The listeners suspend performing any of the normal activities associated with social and active listening. We ask them to avoid making empathic sounds and offering non-verbal gestures such as nodding, smiling, raising of the eyebrows, etc. When the speakers have completed their time to share, then the partners switch roles and the listeners becomes the sharers.

The speakers have the opportunity of having others listen to them without the fear of being interrupted or having the focus of attention taken off them. They have the chance to articulate what they think and how they feel without being influenced by the thoughts and cues of those who are listening to them.  They are able to get to know themselves in a whole new way.The speakers are encouraged to free associate, speaking to themselves as if no one was there listening to them. As counselors at CLE, we teach them to almost ramble or babble, following their feeling and urges instead of speaking as if they were writing a paper or giving a speech. The objective is for the speakers to express their thoughts and feelings without attempting to control or censor them.

The listeners are asked to listen in an unorthodox way. While listening, they are expected to hold the speaker in positive regard. This means that the listeners envision the speakers as whole and complete persons who are able to support themselves in getting what they want and need. Listeners are asked to make their own internal process the priority of their focus and attention. Listeners are to pay attention to what they are thinking and feeling while listening attentively to their partners. They are not expected to reflect back what they have heard their partners say.

This exercise has been life transforming for those who have made paired sharing part of their ongoing disciplines at CLE. We are finding it to be especially effective with couples, helping them to connect, see, and hear each other. We have also found paired sharing to be beneficial in our relationships with God. We actually have an assignment in our spiritual growth series where people are invited to do a three minutes (sharing) by three minute (listening) paired share with God once a day for thirty days.  This is proving to be a very challenging exercise which is deepening and strengthening peoples personal relationships with God.

Consider the opportunity to build your relationship with God through having a regular time of paired sharing. Consider it as a form of prayer or meditation designed to increase the openness and intimacy in your relationship with God.

* I am grateful to Bob Wright at the Wright Leadership Institute for introducing me to paired sharing.

Praying with Positive Regard

1 Reply

I was in my hot tub this morning praying.  I was experiencing lots of emotions; however, the predominant feeling was scared. I was aware of so many different things I was afraid of. First, my long time client at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment who is in the final stages of prostate cancer came to mind.  He is valiantly battling to live one day at a time. I also thought about my son who is individuating and living his life as an adventure. His most recent daring episode involves traveling by land from the southern tip of South America to California. Finally, my wife, Sue, was on my heart.  She is battling through challenging side effects associated with this rigorous 12 week detoxification process she has introduced us both to. (I might add, I may have been foolish when I decided to join her in this self imposed food famine. At the moment, I think I would rather be facing the dangers of backpacking through Central America than exorcising my toxins!)

As I was praying for Sue and the others, I suddenly noticed that there was a degree of desperation in my prayers. I was pleading and begging God for his support. I realized may prayers were full of drama and doubt. It was as if I was putting on a show for God, acting as if I needed to exaggerate and be overly dramatic in order to solicit his support. In an instant, I became aware of myself and how I was being with God while I was praying. At CLE, we would say I was growing in consciousness. This was a very meaningful moment for me in my relationship with God and in my relationship with myself.

I am becoming increasingly aware of how uncomfortable I am being–being with myself, with others, and with God. In the same way I use food to numb myself from what I am feeling and experiencing in the moment, I can see how I have used praying to do the same thing. I have a conversation with God, yet I am distracted and unaware of what I am feeling and thinking in the moment. It is like trying to have a meaningful conversation while watching TV. My prayers become like mindless chanting. They are actually distracting me from what I am doing and numbing me from what I am truly feeling and thinking in the moment.

This morning in that instant of insight, it was like I was witnessing the burning bush with Moses.  I had a moment of awareness. I suddenly realized I was praying for Sue as if she was a victim and asking God to rescue her.  I was lobbying for a divine bailout. I was not being respectful of Sue nor holding her in positive regard. I was not picturing Sue as being whole and complete, made in the image of God, capable of navigating her life. I was seeing her as weak, pitiful, and incapable of facing the challenges before her on the journey of transformation into her most Christ-like self.

I felt free. I no longer needed to hold Sue as a victim. I was not responsible for Sue. I did not need to manipulate God for divine aid. I felt hope. I knew Sue was strong, steadfast, capable, determined, and courageous. She was in a tough fight and needed powerful and wise coaches in her corner. She needed the support of the cloud of witnesses surrounding her and cheering her on spoken of in Hebrews 12. I was remembering both who I was praying for and who I was praying to. I was accurately perceiving her in the here and now. I was praying with positive regard.

Couples Telling Their Story

1 Reply

My wife, Sue, and I just spent an inspiring weekend with fifteen couples who attended the Center for Christian Life Enrichment’s 2011 Winter Couples Retreat in Racine, Wisconsin. I was inspired by their courage to pursue their hunger for more intimacy and their willingness to let others coach them in transforming.

One of the first concepts we discussed on the retreat was the challenge for couples to recognize that the foundation of a healthy marriage is the individual strength and maturity of each partner. Each person in the relationship must dedicate themselves to growing up and differentiating from one another. At first, this sounds backwards. In fact, many couples are trying to do the opposite. They are trying to re-capture the “in love” feeling they had while they were dating which results in the quest for the counterfeit to true intimacy. This seductive substitute is what we call enmeshment or fusion.

At CLE, we believe that if a marriage is going to grow beyond infatuation, then partners must take responsibility for developing themselves and fulfilling their life purposes.  While conscious couples are learning and growing, they are also deliberately choosing to invest in their marriages. They are not looking to define themselves by their spouses or their children. The image I have is of two increasingly strong and dedicated individuals investing in their marriage and family out of the rich and bountiful harvest of living their lives to the fullest.

It has become absolutely clear to me that if we intend to genuinely transform our lives, then we are going to need exceptional support. At CLE we provide all types of different counseling services built around an individuals or couples needs.  We generally recommend that people choose a blend of individual and group therapy.  Individual therapy gives someone the opportunity for intensive one on one support from a trained professional while group provides a person the chance to get feedback and support from peers as well as other professionals.

At our couples retreat this past weekend, the tool we focused on developing for enhancing our partnerships was learning how to share our life narrative. A narrative is our story of how we came to be who we are. When I was in the ministry, we routinely helped people write their testimonies, which were their stories of how they came to have a personal relationship with Christ. This weekend we worked on identifying and appreciating the influences that have shaped us into the people we are today.

I was so moved to see how each of the couples were able to have more understanding, patience and grace with one another as we began to understand the back story behind why we are the way we are. Couples were experiencing breakthroughs in having tolerance and empathy for one another as they were reminded of the forces which shaped themselves as well as their partners.

Don’t miss the chance to join us at CLE for one of our life transforming retreats or workshops. We would love to meet you and welcome you into our community.

Kingdom Theology in Costa Rica

Leave a reply

What an eye opening experience to be here in Costa Rica. We came for the purpose of providing training to local pastors and workers in counseling and the treatment of individuals who are struggling to recover from addictions.

We are here with Global Connections which is an arm of Willow Creek Community Church dedicated to fighting global poverty and AIDS in under-resourced communities in Africa and Latin America. Global Connections’ strategy is to work through relationships with local churches, organizations and Global Servants committed to wholistic transformation of their communities.

What I am really moved by is that the church is empowering local congregations to help the under-resourced people in their communities in creative ways that are self sustaining. Global Connections makes available resources to support pastors who care wholistically about all the dimensions of a person’s life – physical, social, economic, and spiritual. They are very careful to equip the local church leaders to foster and develop self sustaining ministries to serve others in need.

Historically, missions has often been guilty of being paternalistic and ethnocentric. Missionaries would come to preach, convert, and train others to conform to the beliefs and norms of their particular belief system, denomination or culture. Under the veneer of helping or saving the lost, the church inadvertently adopted a position of being superior and arrogant, thinking they had not only the right but the responsibility to correct other peoples’ beliefs and culture.

What I have been especially moved by in this outreach effort has been the respect given to each pastor and community we have been a part of. Our purpose is to serve by coming alongside pastors and providing them with the support they have specifically requested from us. We are helping both Christians and non-Christians. We explicitly avoid attempting to shape or influence their theology. The emphasis is on promoting self-sustaining wholistic ministry with a vision for being the hands and feet of Christ—not the mouth!

I have been so appreciative of the values of mutuality and responsibility we at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment share with Global Connections. We are looking at people with positive regard, having a deep-seated respect for their capacity to learn, grow, and transform themselves. We are coming with an attitude of openness and respect along with a desire to learn and grow from their wisdom and understanding.

One of the most inspiring new areas of interest for me has been what several local pastors call Kingdom Theology. My understanding of their belief is that God’s work is here on earth vs. planning and preparing people for heaven. Our responsibility is to respond to the needs of every person, whether they are a Christian or not, demonstrating in action our concern for basic needs of every human being. The mission is to improve the quality of life in the here and now for all people.

There is also a great deal of concern about the earth and wanting to be good stewards of our environment. Their projects often involve promoting “green” ventures. They are working to relieve the pain and suffering of the poor and those whose lives are ravaged by addiction and poverty. Their strategy is to equip people to be self sustaining and encouraging them to invest back into their respective communities. Instead of building  bigger and better churches, these pastors are investing in programs that will support those in need. We have visited kitchens feeding children, drug rehabilitation centers and businesses that can train and employ the under-resourced.

I am very sobered, challenged and inspired to consider how I can invest my life more strategically. I am asking what God would have me do to serve those who are under-resourced. How can the counseling staff at CLE serve our community more wholistically? How can I be living more responsibly, exercising my concern for those in need? What will I do? Continue reading →