Tag Archives: truth

A Fresh Look at Faith: Meditations on Life in the Spirit

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Trust: The Foundation of Faith | A Series by Dr. Rich Blue of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment on Faith and Spirituality

Trust is like breath to life.  It is foundational to how we view ourselves, others and God. Trust is vital in the process of authoring our sense of safety, belonging, meaning, and purpose. Trust is like a muscle that expands when exercised and atrophies through lack of use. Trust is not a gift. It is a choice. It is our responsibility to cultivate our capacity to trust. The path of transformation is lined with repeated choices to trust and take the next right step in our quest for wholeness.

We exercise trust all the time. I trust that a chair will hold me, that my car will start, that my phone will work. Relationships are built or broken based on trust. I trust that you will see me, accept me, tell me the truth, value me, and forgive me. Whenever something we trust does not go as expected, we experience a breach of trust. This breach often triggers a sense of panic and the release of many painful emotions including fear, anger, hurt and sadness.

Faith is the artery of our relationship with God. Trust is a key component of faith that empowers individuals to make sense of and face the unknown. People of faith continuously exercise trust and as a result, mature into their next level of development. Faith comes from the Latin, fidere, to trust. It is defined as confidence, reliance, and belief, especially without evidence or proof.

The development of trust is critical to a life of faith. If as children we learn that we cannot trust those we depend on, then, as adults we will live in a lasting state of fear and anxiety. Early childhood breaches of trust undermine children’s facility to live rich and rewarding lives.                        Individuals traumatized in childhood will often be unwilling to take the risks necessary to develop and mature into self-actualized adults.

Continually choosing to trust is one of the basic workouts in a life of faith. To enhance our development of trust, we seek out those who will encourage us to explore and experiment with new things.  The courage to step out into the unknown and repeatedly take risks promotes the development of faith. The challenges associated with a life of faith include risking failing, getting hurt, facing disappointment, experiencing rejection, and venturing into the unknown. Authentic faith thrives in an environment of risk, mystery, and uncertainty.

Religious people are often more concerned about avoiding sin than learning how to walk by faith. Moralism along with its bedfellow perfectionism is poisonous to the emergence of faith. Faith fails to grow in a culture of fear and performance. Moralism leads to the diminishing of our lives because we become increasingly unwilling to try anything that might lead to making mistakes or getting in trouble.  Living with the mistaken belief that my worth or belonging is contingent upon my performance promotes a “works oriented” mindset. My worth, value, and acceptance depend too much on looking good and fitting in..

Living a life of faith in which we risk trusting is the path to the abundant life that Jesus spoke of[1]. Every moment is an opportunity for us to learn, grow, and become more of who we can be. We are not growing as we could if we are not taking risks and occasionally falling short. Without risking failure, we are not stretching into our potential of who we are capable of becoming. I believe we have been entrusted with gifts that will only come to maturity through our willingness to risk living with and learning from our mistakes.

[1]John 10:10

Faith and Feelings

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A Fresh Look at Faith: Meditations on Life in the Spirit
A Series by Dr. Rich Blue of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment on Faith and Spirituality

Feelings are the language of our hearts. Feelings remind me of my humanity. They point me to what I yearn for. We find comfort in reading the Psalms because they are songs of our souls replete with heartfelt expressions of feelings regarding what matters most to us. Feeling and expressing our feelings is a vital part of living life abundantly. Jesus was a feeling filled human being who passionately manifested his pain as well as his joy through the expression of his feelings. He rejoiced, celebrated, felt angry, grieved, and even bled in the expression of his feelings. Feelings stand on their own side by side with our thoughts on our pilgrimage of faith.

Historically, the church has not always championed feelings. In fact, in my early days of being a Christian, there was significant controversy regarding the role of faith and feelings. Bill Bright, the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru), made famous the Train Diagram found in the Four Spiritual Laws (a popular evangelistic tool). According to Bright, the train diagram summarized the ABC’s of the Christian life. It was a train with three cars. The first was the engine, “Fact”, the second was the coal car, “Faith”, and the caboose, “Feelings.” Bright explained that the Christian life was built on faith in the certainty of God’s Word. According to Bill, the train could run with or without the caboose, feelings.

Diminishing feelings made sense to me as a young man because I did not trust my feelings. As a new believer in Christ, I feared that they seemed to be in conflict with the teachings of Scripture. My dichotomous mind mistakenly believed that my feelings, unlike my rational mind, were subjective and unreliable. My feelings were not objective truth nor a fruit of the Spirit (unless of course, they were joyful). I associated feelings with urges and thought that mastery over my emotions made more sense if I was going to be a faithful follower of Christ. I believed my mind was more trustworthy than my heart.

How often do we confuse thoughts with feelings? Routinely, I hear people say, “I don’t feel like God loves me” or “I don’t feel that God has a plan for my life” or “I don’t feel forgiven.” Except for the word “feel”, these are not feelings. These are internal judgments—self-talk based on mistaken core beliefs about ourselves, others and God. When we listen to these accusations we are sure to generate a host of painful feelings. This is the dynamic of a self-fulfilling prophecy. In fact, many of our most painful feelings are in response to our own critical thoughts.

Feelings are not indictments or signs of weakness. Instead, they are our heart responses to our thoughts and experiences. We are created in the image of God and feelings represent an important component of our personal truth. Our hearts are intended to be in partnership with our heads. Feelings are an important and dynamic aspect of the life of faith. Feelings are connectors. They allow us to empathize and identify with one another. They are what powerfully unite us with ourselves, each other, and God. Feelings lead us to our deepest yearnings—to love and be loved, belong, matter, and make a difference, to mention a few.  The scriptures record that Abraham, David, Mary, and Jesus all freely expressed feelings as they experienced their journey of faith.

Frequently, I find myself using thoughts to mask my feelings. I try and “think” my way through my feelings, especially when I am trying to avoid acknowledging my hurt, pain, and sense of powerlessness. Feeling our feelings demands faith. Oftentimes, I do not have the courage to face my sadness, fear, hurt and anger. It takes the fortitude of faith to choose to consciously embrace my pain and suffering as Jesus did throughout his life. Without my feelings, it is easier to numb out and avoid the truth of what I am experiencing at the moment. Jesus boldly experienced his feelings and prayed for the strength to embrace his pain as well as his joy.

A Tribute to my Friend Jon Parks

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It has been about two weeks since the death of my friend, Jon Parks. He fought a courageous 15 year battle against prostate cancer. I had the pleasure of walking with him during this journey along with his wife Eileen. I remember our first couples group after he learned of his diagnosis. I will never forget hearing him cry out to God, “I don’t want to die!” Jon loved life. He loved his wife, Eileen, and he loved his boys.  Jon wanted to live with every cell in his body.

rich eileen jonI miss Jon. The Center for Christian Life Enrichment has lost a vital member of our body and we are hurting. Everyone is hurting. It is our turn to experience the pain that Jon lived with every day. I must confess that I was so relieved when I learned of Jon’s death. It hurt me to my core to see him suffering, even though he handled it with such courage and grace. I feel like it is our turn now, Jon. You have passed the baton of a life lived well to us.

When I remember Jon the word that comes to my mind is passion. Jon was passionate about everything aligned with life. Everyone and everything was his favorite. Jon made you feel like you were the most important person in his life in that moment. A rare gift. Even more rare because Jon meant it. In spite of his boundless enthusiasm, Jon was sincere. An unusual combo.

I will always think of Jon as a poet. I have been blessed so many times through listening to his poetry. I think back to the many times when I was leading a group and I would catch that hungry look in his eye. I knew what it meant. Jon had another poem he had written and it was crying out to be shared in that moment. I would reluctantly relinquish turrning over the mic to Jon, lest I never get it back. How I miss those times now. I want to share one of his poems that is crying out to be shared. I share this in honor of his life.

When you’re dying of cancer,
it really doesn’t matter if the Mets won, or who’s running
for president, or that the windows need painting,
you only notice the tick, tick, tick of the clock as time slips
silently away from you,
and like sand pouring through your fingers,
it scatters into the wind and onto the cold ground,
reminding you each golden moment of life, of your life,
is gone forever once lived,
and that they are not endless,
but finite,
and counted,
and that there are only so many God gives you,
and no more,
just death and then eternity.

So live your moments well my cancerous comrades,rich sue and jon
and do your loving well,
as you battle on against this beast so vile and strong,
let every dawn be one more victory,
each setting sun a crown upon your head;
you who’ve learned the truth of all that’s valuable:
the ecstasy of living for another day,
of knowing you are loved,
and feeling God Himself so close to you.

Sing, robin red breast,
sing your lovely chorus to the day,
and dance around the branches, squirrel,
for all of nature loves your praise for life,
and we will join your chorus,
we who know the glory of this day.

Once again, Jon, my scarcity has been overwhelmed with joy and awe. Thanks for sharing, my brother. Your heart is huge.

4 Steps to Revitalize Your Marriage

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    A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  John 13:34

 

Marriage. It is fun and exciting at first; however, it is much more challenging to nurture and grow over the long haul. Falling in love and deciding to get married is like parachuting for the first time. Initially your decision of whether or not to parachute is filled with terror, excitement, and anticipation. All the focus is on whether or not you will actually go through with it and whether or not you will survive.

 

Once the wedding is over, now what? Couples cope with the transition from engagement to marriage differently. Some panic and frantically try to keep the drama going.  They are seeking another high like they had when they were courting. They want to date instead of dig in and develop their relationship. Others shuffle ahead in their relationship as if they were on autopilot.  They mindlessly move forward, establishing their careers, having children, and struggling to be the best parents they can be. Whether we seek the dating high or the deadness of numbing out, all of us can benefit greatly by practicing a few basic strategies.

 

All of our marriages will benefit from some coaching and guidance. We seem more equipped to find a mate and less prepared to know what to do once we are married. Most people do not seek out help until there is some breakdown of significance. All of us want marriages that are better than our parents’; however, eventually we realize that we have our parents’ marriage.

 

I want to introduce you to four principles (F-E-A-R) that I believe make up the foundation of healthy, growing and vital relationships. I will briefly introduce each of the principles and elaborate on them in future blogs. At CLE, we have proven that practicing these principles will transform your relationships with yourself, with others, and with God.

 

FEEL

 

Feelings are the language of the heart. Our hearts are moved when we are touched by meaningful experiences and encounters. When our hearts are moved, feelings are released. Although feelings occur naturally, most of us have learned to deny and numb ourselves to our feelings. To renew and revitalize our relationships we must reconnect with our hearts and our feelings.

 

EXPRESS

 

As you become increasingly aware of your feelings, the next step is to express them. Experiencing your feelings without expressing them is both unhealthy and stingy. Feelings are to be both experienced and expressed. Feelings enable our hearts to become attached to each other.  Feelings expressed build safety, comfort and closeness with others. Expressing our feelings floods your relationships with energy, joy and aliveness. Expressing our feelings helps us connect with our deepest hungers.

 

ATTACH

 

Attachment is the process infants go through when they bond with their mothers. For a child to develop a healthy sense of attachment they need to be accurately perceived in the here and now, with positive regard, consistently, and unconditionally. As adults and especially as partners, we need our attachment needs met continually. We don’t top needing to be seen and heard ever. We not only need to feel and express ourselves; we need to provide a safe haven for our spouses to feel and express themselves.

 

RISK

 

Take action. Feel, express, and engage with your partner. Listen to them, learn what they want and need, and give it to them. Risk feeling awkward and doing something that might not feel comfortable. Take the initiative and lead in your relationship. Both partners need to think of how they can invest in their marriage as well as building into themselves.

 

 

Watch for the upcoming blogs where we will unpack the importance of each of these strategies: Feel/Express/Attach/Risk. Love one another.

 

 

Caring in Costa Rica

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What comes to mind when you think of Costa Rica? Central America? Volcanoes? Waterfalls? Jungles? Coffee? Before coming here, all I really knew about Costa Rica was that this was the country my son visited and while there took part in a 300+ foot bungee jump!

Sue and I were invited to be a part of a team from Willow Creek Community Church sent to Costa Rica to teach and train pastors and other volunteers some of the basics of counseling. We have been leading workshops at a church in the heart of San Jose.  We have had over 60 attendees at each of our trainings and they have been so hungry to learn and grow. It has been our first experience teaching cross culturally using translators. What a delight it has been.

Yesterday, we visited a church located in one of the poorest communities in the heart of San Jose, Centro Christiano De Alabanza. We were so inspired by their Pastor, Alberto Castro, who believes that the sole purpose of the church is to love and care for each person in their community as if they were Christ himself. Pastor Alberto makes no distinction between parishioners and the people living on the streets. Each individual is someone Jesus cares about and it is his desire to help everyone from the homeless to the elderly. He sees all people as children of God. Everyone matters.

Our first stop was at a shack with tin siding housing over 200 children all waiting to receive their lunch. They were all dressed in donated clothes sitting so responsibly while waiting for their food. As we served these children, we were sobered to realize that poverty and danger are a way of life for these children. If it wasn’t for the services of this spiritual community, these kids would be the next generation of people lost to homelessness, life on the street, drugs, and ultimately death.

Next we visited two shelters where addicts are invited to come and participate in a nine month rehabilitation program at no cost. I was not able to stop crying as my heart broke for each of these people who powerfully shared their stories of drug abuse and survival on the street. Many of these kids were the age of my own children and had been fighting to survive for their whole lives.

Although their struggles are different than mine, I saw how each of us must fight each day to assume responsibility for our lives and the choices we make. Each of us must acknowledge our need, tell the truth about out what we think and how we feel, and reach out to a community greater than ourselves for the support we need to make the most of our lives. It is not so much about where we have come from. The real question is, “What are we doing with the resources we have been entrusted with?”

I am grateful to experience relationships with others who are growing up in a culture very different from my own. It is a privilege to see courageous people living out their faith in ways that are consistent with what they profess to believe. I am inspired, touched, and challenged to refine my understanding of God and the responsibilities I have to fulfill my life mission.

The Journey of Transformation

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I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  Romans 7:15

I can’t believe I am heavier than I have ever been before. I start losing weight and then the next thing I know I am gaining again. I know what to do. I have lost weight so many times before. I have all kinds of excellent support and resources along with an abundant network of people who care about me; yet, I continue to comfort myself with food. I am a therapist and help others change; yet, I can’t change myself! Why is it so difficult? Why won’t I change?

Hard and soft addictions multiply in times of fear, stress, and pain. Overeating, restricting food, drinking, drugging, shopping, spending, gaming, television watching, Facebooking, emailing, texting, exercising, worrying, reading, sleeping, and working—the list is limitless. Anything done to excess can enable us to disregard our deeper hungers and deny our pain.

When I am a fugitive on the run from myself, I am suspicious of everything that is good for me. I feel like a wounded animal that is backed into a corner. I fear the truth. I am scared and distrustful of nearly everyone. Curiously, I am very receptive to the counterfeit support that would deaden me to my feelings and dampen me to my pain.

I am quick to forget that my consciousness, my feelings, and my concerned community are my allies even though they may disturb and disrupt my binge. My good friend carved into my heart, “Truth is love.” Listening to the truth and attending to my feelings is the first act of self-love and compassion.  This is the first step toward freedom. When we yield to the truth, like the prodigal son, we will return to the genuine light and warmth of love. I often have to remind myself that the God I adore is a God of love. He is not seeking to chastise; instead, he longs to welcome me home without shame or retribution. This is one of our central missions of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment.

How can we wake up and lay aside our bad habits? The question of concern is, “When we are resistant to transformation, what does it take to penetrate our denial and initiate change?” What will awaken my intention and engage my resources in order to bring about needed changes in my life? Alcoholics Anonymous teaches that alcoholics often need to hit bottom before they will get sober. What is our bottom and will we change? Will we look up for help when we are broken and scared?

Transformation is a process of ups and downs. It is cyclical not linear. Overthrowing denial is foundational to transformation. Once the light of truth burns the fog of denial away, the issue is not whether I have a problem, but whether I am willing to do what it takes to overcome it. As we penetrate our denial, we then must  confront our rationalizations, excuses and stinking thinking.

My biggest battles are internal. I get hurt and angry and refuse to work through my upset with God and those who I perceive have wronged me. I get scared and instead of reaching out and up for help I isolate and withdraw from those who most can support me. I am learning to overcome shame and resist the temptation to self medicate with soft addictions. I am accepting that I make mistakes and learning how to have compassion for myself.

Personal transformation is a way of living and being. It is focused on investing our lives in the pursuit of fulfilling our life purpose. I believe each of us is a child of God with a responsibility to find our calling and fulfill our mission. It requires courage and the willingness to accept that the good fight is a bout with unlimited rounds. The prize goes to those one who persist, picking themselves up after inevitable setbacks, and rededicating themselves to the lifelong journey of transformation.