“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
I heard back from the publisher about my most recent book proposal (last count was six previous manuscripts.) It was rejected, yet with extraordinarily kind and constructive comments. This publisher grasped there were pearls buried amidst my thoughts and ideas.
Disheartened again! I am feeling vulnerable and lacking confidence. I am fighting the feeling that something is wrong with me. I have been hiding out, fearing criticism and rejection. I am questioning my capacity to endure. I am fighting the panic of insufficiency.
It is in these moments I hear the still small voice reminding me of that which is greater than myself hidden within me. Paul’s phrase plays in my mind, “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” It is the mystery of the incarnation—God within each of us. A glimmer of hope returns and I find myself repeating, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
At our core we are spiritual beings. Within our soul is planted the potential for abundant life and supernatural works. Jesus came in part to reawaken in us the hunger for growing into our Christ-selves. It is in our DNA to multiply our gifts and talents in the service of others. This process of maturation requires transformation and the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to a life of faith.
Jesus reminded us that the kingdom of heaven is within us. When speaking of the kingdom, Jesus alluded to the potential for life and growth lying within each of us. He referred to the kingdom of heaven being like a mustard seed planted in a field. A small seed, almost imperceptible, carrying within it the purpose and potential to grow exponentially. He also spoke of leaven hidden within the dough doing its mysterious work of transformation.
Join me in feeling my fear and embracing my insufficiency. Let us reach out for his loving support and learn how to rely on Him. Although created in the image of God, we are designed to live in dependence on Him. Jesus taught that the branches must abide in the vine if they are to bear fruit. Staying connected is especially challenging when I continually want to prove that I can do all things on my own!
Jesus said, “Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” John 14:11,12
I too have been experiencing these same feelings as I lost my job in August. I feel as if I’m at a crossroads of sort and seeking God’s guidance in my life. I am trying very hard to remain faithful and seek His truth. this was a blessing to me and I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feelings of insuffiency. May God bless you as you hold on tight to Him.
Thanks Lori for your comment. These challenging times are growing our faith and strengthening our character. I am so glad these thoughts were an encouragement.
Thanks for sharing your vulnerability Rich. The last couple of days I have been crippled by fear of insufficiency and lost in the burden of all there is to do. This is especially true as we face a new reality of Ryan’s work transition. My time in Mathew 14:22 reminds me of how much I am like Peter wanting to step out to Jesus and yet succumbing to the waves and wind. Yet I am reminded that he still calls us out, saves us when we are drowning in our own insecurity and takes us to the other side to join with him in the miraculous work of healing and setting captives free. I guess it’s in that time in between that is scary and yet so spiritually formative to prepare us for what is ahead. With gratitude once again for the seeds you planted in me.
Thank you, Shoji. Let’s be prayer buddies around panic and anxiety. I’ll pray for you when I feel the beast closing in on my and vice versa. There is so much learning and growing happening as we make ourselves available to Him for our ongoing transformation into the image of Christ. Blessings to you, Ryan and the family.
That would be great! Thank you.