A Fresh Look at Faith: Meditations on Life in the Spirit
A Series by Dr. Rich Blue of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment on Faith and Spirituality
I yearn to experience the peace of knowing that I am loved unconditionally. Instead, I often live with the fear of something bad happening, doing something wrong, or getting in trouble. The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear. I understand at a deeper level that in the presence of love I can be assured I am safe and secure knowing that if God is for me, then who could be against me. The Apostle Paul reminded us that nothing can separate us from the love of God.[i]
Yet, if you are like me, I often find that I am continuously scanning for threats in spite of knowing about unconditional love. In many cases, I am hypervigilant in my attempts to ensure my safety and the well-being of those around me. At other times, I live in denial oblivious to the potential threats that encircle me. It is like living on a teeter-totter where one end is hyperarousal and the other end is numbness and denial.
In the beginning, our survival depended upon our primary caregivers’ ability to protect us from danger and nurture our development. The adage, “safety first”, is hardwired into our reptilian brains and is in harmony with the mission of our sympathetic nervous system. When in danger, this division of our autonomic nervous system directs us to fight, flee, or freeze. Our capacity to choose quickly and accurately is closely linked to our survival.
Faith develops as we learn how to trust by choosing who and when we trust. As we learn from our choices, we develop our ability to discern who are our allies and who poses threats. We learn when and how to trust ourselves and how to take in the wisdom of more knowledgeable others (MKO’s).
I am learning that living by faith is a choice to consciously be in the here and now. Faith is not denying challenging circumstances and faith is not hypervigilant scanning for threats. Faith is not the absence of fear, worry, concern, or anxiety. Instead, faith is the conscious awareness of all that is within and around me. It is an acute awareness of what I am feeling and experiencing at the moment. Faith works in collaboration with the truth of our experience.
My attempts to explain away or manage what I am thinking and feeling are acts of bad faith. When I am overthinking things, I am trying to control my life and unwilling to live by faith. It reflects my struggle to embrace the truth of my experience. My need to understand, make sense of, and wrap everything with a bow is a defensive tactic guaranteed to stifle faith. My need for certainty and clarity is an expression of my fear and unwillingness to be where I am in the moment. The hunger for certainty and control interferes with my choice to be, identify my feelings, and accept my powerlessness. I am not God.
When I am feeling anxious and afraid, I am learning to kindly, firmly, and effectively parent myself. I ask myself what I am feeling. I am learning to differentiate between having my feelings and indulging in drama. Feelings are feelings and do not need a story or explanation to justify them. I am learning to use my feelings to tell me what I am yearning for. I anticipate my mind desperately trying to make up a story of what is happening, knowing that most of the time it is fake-news!
Let’s stretch and see how much we can walk by faith accepting what is. As Paul Tillich wrote, let us have the courage to be. Let’s pay attention to what we are feeling, thinking and experiencing at the moment. Let’s learn how to surrender control and let God be God and accept that we are not!
[i]Romans 8:28-29