Category Archives: Health and Fitness

A Tribute to my Friend Jon Parks

It has been about two weeks since the death of my friend, Jon Parks. He fought a courageous 15 year battle against prostate cancer. I had the pleasure of walking with him during this journey along with his wife Eileen. I remember our first couples group after he learned of his diagnosis. I will never forget hearing him cry out to God, “I don’t want to die!” Jon loved life. He loved his wife, Eileen, and he loved his boys. Jon wanted to live with every cell in his body.

I miss Jon. The Center for Christian Life Enrichment has lost a vital member of our body and we are hurting. Everyone is hurting. It is our turn to experience the pain that Jon lived with every day. I must confess that I was so relieved when I learned of Jon’s death. It hurt me to my core to see him suffering, even though he handled it with such courage and grace. I feel like it is our turn now, Jon. You have passed the baton of a life lived well to us.

When I remember Jon the word that comes to my mind is passion. Jon was passionate about everything aligned with life. Everyone and everything was his favorite. Jon made you feel like you were the most important person in his life in that moment. A rare gift. Even more rare because Jon meant it. In spite of his boundless enthusiasm, Jon was sincere. An unusual combo.

I will always think of Jon as a poet. I have been blessed so many times through listening to his poetry. I think back to the many times when I was leading a group and I would catch that hungry look in his eye. I knew what it meant. Jon had another poem he had written and it was crying out to be shared in that moment. I would reluctantly relinquish turrning over the mic to Jon, lest I never get it back. How I miss those times now. I want to share one of his poems that is crying out to be shared. I share this in honor of his life.

When you’re dying of cancer,
it really doesn’t matter if the Mets won, or who’s running
for president, or that the windows need painting,
you only notice the tick, tick, tick of the clock as time slips
silently away from you,
and like sand pouring through your fingers,
it scatters into the wind and onto the cold ground,
reminding you each golden moment of life, of your life,
is gone forever once lived,
and that they are not endless,
but finite,
and counted,
and that there are only so many God gives you,
and no more,
just death and then eternity.

So live your moments well my cancerous comrades,
and do your loving well,
as you battle on against this beast so vile and strong,
let every dawn be one more victory,
each setting sun a crown upon your head;
you who’ve learned the truth of all that’s valuable:
the ecstasy of living for another day,
of knowing you are loved,
and feeling God Himself so close to you.

Sing, robin red breast,
sing your lovely chorus to the day,
and dance around the branches, squirrel,
for all of nature loves your praise for life,
and we will join your chorus,
we who know the glory of this day.

Once again, Jon, my scarcity has been overwhelmed with joy and awe. Thanks for sharing, my brother. Your heart is huge.

My Celebration of Mollie Mae Blue

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It has been three years since my dad died. My mom and dad were married for more than 70 years. She has spent the last several years grieving, adjusting to living alone, and living her life to the fullest.

Several months ago I received a call from my brother saying that mom was very sick. I called her and knew the minute I heard her voice that she was struggling. Normally invincible, she was experiencing a lot of swelling in her legs, pain all over, and almost no energy. She said her heart was tired and that she was ready die. I will never forget the shockingly forthright and open conversation we had about dying. I was in shock and not on board with her decision yet.

Her condition improved; however, it was apparent that she was nearing the end of this life. Sue and I quickly planned a trip out to see her but it would not be until the end of August—four weeks away. My mom told me that she could not guarantee living that long. I began negotiating with her the terms of her last days. Eventually she agreed that she would intend to live and not die before seeing Sue and me again.

How many people are so blessed to have this kind of conversation with their 95-year-old mom? I was filled with inspiration at her recognition of her power. She understood the power of intention and the complexity of death—in some ways it is outside of our control and in other ways we have been given a lot of say-so. Her focus for the month of August was recovering and living until we visited. We talked several times a day and I was monitoring her condition. With every day she gained hope, strength, and aliveness.

She not only lived until our visit, she thrived. Her doctor determined what was wrong (Polymyalgia Rheumatica) and the medication she received helped her renew her strength. By the time we saw her she was zipping about the house exuding energy and joy. Somehow, I knew she would do it. Seeing her was such a blessing; however, it was not long before I was bugging her and she was trying to reign me in. Some things never change.

My greatest memory of our visit was when my mom told me that she had something to talk with me about. Historically, I had been the one to initiate these kind of heart-to-heart conversations. She told me that she had been praying for the opportunity to share her concerns about my expression of anger. I couldn’t believe it. I was both shocked and thrilled. To use CLE lingo, she wanted to “clear” with me.

She shared with me her concerns and I listened. I shared my perspectives and she listened. The intensity of the conversation grew, as did the aliveness. I was noticing that we were having a respectful and responsible fight. There was no room for this kind of discussion in our home growing up. I was ecstatic.

Suddenly my fear surfaced. What if she died while we were fighting? I saw the scary masks of guilt and shame trying to divert me from the joy and aliveness of the moment. On the contrary, what better way to die than to be truthfully and passionately engaging with one another in the pursuit of intimacy? When we were finished (2 hours seemed like 2 minutes) my mom and I were radiant and energized. I was inspired and filled with joy and gratitude. What a testament to the work we have done to repair and deepen our relationship over the past 25 years. Thank God for my anger!

Mollie Mae Blue was born on October 16, 1916 in Chicago. (You do the math; this will diminish her upset with me for revealing her age.) 1916 was the year the light switch was invented and the Chicago Cubs won their first game in Weeghman Park (currently Wrigley Field) against the Cincinnati Reds. Mollie Mae was born during World War I (1914-1918), which resulted in the death of more than 9 million combatants. Democratic President Woodrow Wilson narrowly defeated Republican Charles E. Hughes.

Mollie and I are continuing daily to enjoy our honest, alive and feeling-filled conversations. I am a blessed son and man.

Courageously Committing

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“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred… unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Meaningful decisions that lead to personal transformation begin with courageous commitment and are brought to completion with burning desire and determined dedication. This is one of the most important principles a person can learn in life. Many people wait for God to move and then they act. We have found at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment (CLE) that having the faith to risk stepping out into the unknown triggers the collaborative assistance of God.

Living by faith demands that we take risks and are willing to live our lives as an adventure in learning. Carol Dweck’s research on living with a growth mindset says that if we are not taking risks and making mistakes then we are not learning to our capacity. For some, learning came to a halt when they stopped going to school. I believe God designed us to be lifelong learners. We need to be living our lives in such a way that we are continually learning and growing. Taking risks, making mistakes, and incorporating the lessons learned is the formula for expanding faith and living increasingly fruitful lives.

I think of the growth mindset as the foundation for living by faith, recognizing that God is more concerned about our development and maturation than He is in us getting everything right. God is not a neurotic perfectionistic control-freak who is obsessed with us doing everything correctly. Instead, I believe God is a guide, mentor, coach, teacher and father who wants us to learn, grow, risk, and make mistakes in the pursuit of learning and living an abundant life. His plan is that we live courageously and learn from our mistakes as we become like His son, Jesus.

I have been inspired by the testimony of this courageous teenager whose speech I shared in my last blog post (Celebrating Courage and Commitment). Her dedication to learn and grow is highlighted by the fact that when she went out for cross country as a freshman in high school, she was out of shape and had never run competitively. She saw her life as an adventure and she wanted more. She knew she needed something and she understood that it was her responsibility to go out and get it. She wasn’t waiting for life to come to her. Somehow, she understood that it was her job to take risks and pursue opportunities.

She identified that distance running was interesting and valuable and she went out for the team. She knew she was inexperienced and was not unusually gifted athletically. Her success was the result of her initial commitment, her ongoing dedication and practice, her care for and investment in her teammates, and the support of her team and community. She led with her hunger and her character instead of her talent. She was quickly recognized as a leader and contributor on the team even though she was never one of the top atheletes.

This story is especially touching to me because I have lived with the mistaken belief that only those who are the best athletically are winners. My value as a human being has been a function of a host of external measures of success. For me, historically my success has been an illusive prey. When I first competed in a sport, my worth and value depended on whether I made the team. Once I made the team, the issue then became whether I would earn a starting position. Once I became a starter, then the question was whether I would earn all-league honors. If I made all league, then the concern would be whether I earned all state honors. The measurement of my worth and value continued to move beyond what I could ever achieve. The net result was at some point I would fail to reach the goal and achieve the recognition. Was I now a failure?

All of these goals share the quality of having an external locus of control. They are all outside of the person and represent some form of external accomplishment and validation. The issue is not what you yourself value; instead, the issue becomes what those outside of you decide are the measures of success. Those objectives, like the rabbit at the dog track, eventually end up being beyond our grasp.

What inspires me in this story is that this young lady may have never won a race. Her last race was a PR (short, for personal record time). Her best time may never have resulted in her placing in a race. What then was she running for? Instead of winning, she was competing. Instead of being the best, she was working hard. Instead of being the star, she was more interested in serving the team. She led from the pack instead of from the front. She earned her position as team captain based on her character as well as her commitment to the well being of her teammates.

This young lady is an inspirational transformational leader. She is learning the power of living from principles instead of from performance. She is learning how to experience the joy and nourishment resulting from living true to her heart’s desires.

Befriending Fear

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(This is an exerpt from the fourth chapter of my soon to be released book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith. This chapter emphasizes the importance of learning how to feel, express and integrate fear.)

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)

Fear is uncomfortable for most of us. When we experience fear, we recoil; it’s a natural response. It’s hard to take a step willingly toward fear, especially when there is an alternative route—even if it means retreating. Going back is often more appealing than stepping forward. By refusing to confront our fears, however, we shut out the possibility of having a bigger life with more experiences that stretch and challenge us beyond the tidy borders of our comfort zone. Although there are times when we should heed our fears, such as when there is a very real and imminent danger, too often we are submissive to our fears. Doing so keeps us small and limited. As “slaves again to fear,” as Paul wrote (Romans 8:15) we banish ourselves to scarcity, instead of dwelling in abundance. At the Center for Christian Life Enrichment, we are supporting everyone in our community to feel and express their emotions, especially when they feel afraid.

The way forward is to become comfortable with fear—what I call “befriending fear.” Exploring and expressing our fear allows us to discern between a real danger and a limiting belief that may very well stem from childhood. But first, we have to feel our fear, which is something many of us have avoided for years. Many of us have become detached from our feelings; we’re so shut down that we’re numb inside. Therefore, in this chapter and subsequent ones we need to be aware of what it means to feel a particular feeling, such as by paying attention to our bodies. Physical cues such as a knot in our gut, our hearts racing, or tightness in our bodies tell us what we are feeling even when we can’t register them on an emotional level.

When I was a young man, I was in such a state of denial about my feelings that I could not admit the amount of fear I had. Instead, I buried my fear by doing the exact opposite. I was drawn to highly physical and even violent sports, such as football. I played fearlessly. When I or a teammate got hurt, I became even more aggressive. Assuming the hurt inflicted was the result of malicious intent, I responded as if I were in a life-or-death scenario; only one of us was going to survive and it was going to be me. I didn’t stop until I exacted revenge.

Looking back, I realize that I was scared most of the time—not in the sense of biting my nails and cowering in the corner. Rather, I experienced a sense of dread that existed at a low, but ever-present level all the time—a kind of hyper-vigilance intended to protect me from ever getting hurt again. My basic survival instincts overrode even the moral and spiritual teachings about being loved that I had learned and embraced as a new Christian.

I couldn’t see at the time how my outlook on life—that people were dangerous and wanted to hurt me—was affecting my relationships with others and with God. I might be able to say “Jesus loves me,” but I was still living as if God was out to get me. Deep down, I was afraid to really trust anyone, especially God. This was a place of extreme scarcity.

Much of this was happening on an unconscious level. I didn’t know I was in near-constant fear because I didn’t know what fear actually felt like. I had become so shut down to my emotions that I did not equate the churning in my gut or breaking out in a cold sweat as physical signals that I was experiencing fear.

In time, as I became more aware of my fear, my first instinct was to find out how to get rid of it! As far as I was concerned, all this fear served no purpose in my life. So I tried to make a “dirty deal” (meaning, “I will do this if you will do that”) with God. As I saw it, if I did enough personal growth work, went to enough counseling sessions, and attended enough retreats, God would take away my fear. To my surprise, the exact opposite happened. The more personal growth work I did, the more conscious I became of all my feelings including fear. The more I felt my feelings, the more alive I felt. The more alive I became, the more I felt my feelings. This cycle of my feelings leading to more aliveness and vice versa eventually allowed me to escape the scarcity of my life and led me to the promise of abundance.

Let Your Light Shine

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When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Jesus, the great spiritual teacher, claimed to be the light of the world. He did not say he was a light or one of the lights. He said, “I am the light of the world.” This is an amazingly bold claim which requires faith to believe. It is a statement of such scale that it cannot be proved. It must be believed or rejected. Issues of faith are at the heart of the work we do at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment (CLE).

Jesus did not claim to be the light of a select few. His proclamation was that he was the light of the world—He was everyone’s light. His invitation was to all–all inclusive, offering the light of life to everyone and anyone who would follow him. He said he was the light of life, not the light of day or the light of dawn. Jesus said he was the light of life. Jesus’ intention was that everyone would live life abundantly and he understood that to accomplish his mission each of us needs spiritual illumination. At CLE, we believe every individual is created in the image of God and has infinite worth and value.

Light reflects one of our most primal needs, along with warmth, shelter and clothing. I always remember the initial wave of terror when I experience a sudden power outage at night. Power outages during the day are inconvenient–the clocks stop, the lights don’t work and the garage door opener is inoperable. It is a real nuisance. When the power goes out at night, however, it can be terrifying. When we are thrust into darkness, we frantically scramble to find flashlights, matches and candles. We do not rest and feel safe until we can see. Dim is tolerable. Pitch black is unbearable.

Yet, many of us are comfortable living in the darkness when it comes to knowing the truth about ourselves. We live with lies we tell ourselves as well as with those we accept from others. We must embrace the truth and the light. We must seek to know truth like we would seek light when we are lost in the dark. We are living in darkness when we are unwilling to the know the truth about ourselves. Mistakenly, we are most comfortable when we are in the most danger. Denial slowly takes over our senses and deceives us into believing we are safe when we are actually in harm’s way. Meeting with a Christian therapist offers you the opportunity to have someone reflect back to you the truth you do not see about yourself. The only way to become your most Christ-like self, is to solicit the genuine feedback of others who will tell you the truth about you.

Along with being light, Jesus claimed to be the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). Light and truth are like twins, most often seen together in sacred teachings. They provide both illumination and instruction. When I am lost, I must identify the truth about where I am before I can get to where I want to be. I believe the most simple and effective way to learn the truth about myself is through soliciting the feedback of others. When I was younger, I hid out from relationships with others by spending countless hours poring over the scriptures in an attempt to know myself. As I matured, I realized that by getting into relationship with others and inviting honest feedback from them, I was opening myself up to one of the most potent sources of light.

Let your light shine on one another that we might grow increasingly into the likeness of Christ.

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Rich Blue | Thoughts on Faith, Authenticity and Truth