Tag Archives: Northshore

Choose to Trust Love

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Ultimately nothing  is more important than whether our yearning for unconditional love and acceptance has the hope of fulfillment. In the end all of our successes and victories amount to very little in comparison to a life without the giving and receiving of love. This hunger for unearned love is at the heart of grace. What I believe continues to draw us to Jesus is his unwavering compassion for every single one of us. One of the favorite  love stories told by Jesus was the Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-31). Enjoy this excerpt from Surprised by God: A Journey of Divine Discovery, Chapter 3, Grace.

No matter how many times we read a story such as the prodigal son, the father’s unconditional acceptance and loving embrace only penetrates the surface of our fears and limiting beliefs. Maybe for other people, we tell ourselves, but not us: “If I revealed my true nature—what I really think, feel, and believe―then God would not like me and possibly reject me. And then where would I be?”

The truth, however, is that God knows all about us, no matter how well we think we’ve kept our dark side hidden, and no amount of “good deeds” will win us any points with him. Although God desires that we follow his principles and obey his commands, his love for us is a completely separate issue irrespective of our conduct. It is the result of his choice to be true to his nature and not the result of our deserving it by our good behavior.

Yet foundational to any relationship—with God or another person―is trust. To be in a genuine, authentic relationship we have to trust that the other person will accept us as we are and forgive us when we fail, which we inevitably will. Before we can really risk being authentic with others, we must embrace and digest the marvelous truth that we are completely and unconditionally loved.

It is a choice for us to make, and it requires faith. I tell people all the time that I cannot “prove” that God loves them or me. It is a decision I make by faith. There is evidence to support either position: that God is loving or he is not. Our choice is what we are going to focus on, and on which body of evidence we are going to base our faith. Only when we feel secure in his love can we choose to love ourselves and risk being ourselves.

From a spiritual sense, we do not have the capacity to trust that leap without grace. It is what allows us to look at ourselves and our relationships in the light of truth. With grace we are emboldened to take the first step to being real, which is to understand how valuable it is to be true to ourselves.

Join us in this discovery of the divine both inside us as well as all around us. Let yourself be surprised by God in each and every moment. Check out the life transforming work we are doing at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment. Please get your own copy of Surprised by God and recommend it to a friend. Initiate meaningful conversations about the love and joy available to us as we grow in grace.

Living in Relationship: Consciously Caring for One Another

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The older I get the more important relationships are to me. When I was younger, I took many of my relationships for granted. I assumed that others would always be there for me. I also presumed my relationship with God was a constant—He was always there and what I did or did not do mattered very little.  At least that’s what I thought.

As I have grown, I have come to see, along with A.W. Tozer, that what I believe about God and my relationship with him is the most important thing about me. Surprised by God: A Journey of Divine Discovery is a story about how my relationship with God has transformed and evolved over the course of my life. The way I see it, very few things are as important as dedicating ourselves to being lifelong learners and seekers of truth in God. Please read and reflect on this excerpt from the Introduction to Surprised by God about the importance of relationships.

Although I had grown up attending church, and always believed in God, it was not until I was in my teens that I saw the possibility of having 
a personal relationship with Him. But, even then, it was a limited vision. I thought God was most interested in me knowing Scripture, obeying His teaching, and having the right answers.

Over time, I have trans
formed from a Word-based Christian to a faith and 
relationship-based follower of Christ. I have discovered that insight alone is not sufficient for sustaining our lives and our faith. We need our hearts—our emotions—in order to engage more fully in life. Like any relationship, it is emotions and ideas that connect us.

With Christ, I came to realize that deepening my relationship required emotional expression—not the pretty, sanctimonious kind but real, raw, personal expression and sensing. Genuine emotional experience is critical to our fullest relationship with God.

The power of the relationship is in the persistence on the journey and the discovery, not the knowing: trying, failing, striving, reaching, falling back, and trying again—what I call grappling with God.file3871249263445

As a boy who loved rough sports, especially wrestling, I experienced the visceral joy of physical battle, the toughness of an opponent and what it took to overcome him. During my journey of faith, I have come to see a relationship with God and Christ as an ongoing battle with myself in my relationship to God. It’s a battle to be the real me and express the real me, all of me, in relationship with Him.

As I have grappled with that kind of authentic expression of, and honesty with, myself I have deepened my faith and my understanding of the divine. This journey has taken me far beyond what I thought was possible within my own life and has brought me a maturity and intimacy in my relationship with God, as I have grown more honest and intimate with the people I care about in my life.

It can do the same for you.

 

 

Consciously Choosing Life

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Life is to be lived fully in the here and now. All we can know for certain is what is right now. The past is history and the future is fantasy. The past makes friends with regret and the future invites anxiety. Both of these are thieves of life in the now.

What characterizes the here and now?

First, our breath. Our breath not only connects us with ourselves, it is the source of life. “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:11) The material became spiritually alive when we were given breath. Breath is what breaches the great divide that separates life from death. When someone dies, we know they have left this life when they breathe no more.

The here and now is also made manifest in our bodies. We can feel and experience our body in the here and now. We see with our eyes and smell with our noses. We notice our tongue swimming in our mouths. We feel our fingers scurry as we type. We sense our chest expand and contract as we breath. We experience our heart pumping the blood filled breath throughout our bodies.

Our feelings fill every moment in the here and now. Although easy for us to diminish and dismiss, feelings fill every moment of life. We have mountains of feelings seeking to be experienced and expressed in every moment. Feelings are the language of our souls—our deepest and possibly most spiritual expressions.

Become conscious of our breath and we are living in the moment. Feel our bodies and we are experiencing the present. Uncover our feelings and we have found the here and now.

The trinity of consciousness—our breath, our bodies, and our feelings. Treasure these three and we will we will be well served on our expedition of life.

Join us, a community of conscious pilgrims, looking for partners on the journey of becoming our most Christ-like selves. Living life consciously with our eyes fixed on Christ expressing our aliveness authentically. We are looking for those who are hungry and yearning for abundant life. Come play life with us at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment.

A Tribute to my Friend Jon Parks

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It has been about two weeks since the death of my friend, Jon Parks. He fought a courageous 15 year battle against prostate cancer. I had the pleasure of walking with him during this journey along with his wife Eileen. I remember our first couples group after he learned of his diagnosis. I will never forget hearing him cry out to God, “I don’t want to die!” Jon loved life. He loved his wife, Eileen, and he loved his boys.  Jon wanted to live with every cell in his body.

rich eileen jonI miss Jon. The Center for Christian Life Enrichment has lost a vital member of our body and we are hurting. Everyone is hurting. It is our turn to experience the pain that Jon lived with every day. I must confess that I was so relieved when I learned of Jon’s death. It hurt me to my core to see him suffering, even though he handled it with such courage and grace. I feel like it is our turn now, Jon. You have passed the baton of a life lived well to us.

When I remember Jon the word that comes to my mind is passion. Jon was passionate about everything aligned with life. Everyone and everything was his favorite. Jon made you feel like you were the most important person in his life in that moment. A rare gift. Even more rare because Jon meant it. In spite of his boundless enthusiasm, Jon was sincere. An unusual combo.

I will always think of Jon as a poet. I have been blessed so many times through listening to his poetry. I think back to the many times when I was leading a group and I would catch that hungry look in his eye. I knew what it meant. Jon had another poem he had written and it was crying out to be shared in that moment. I would reluctantly relinquish turrning over the mic to Jon, lest I never get it back. How I miss those times now. I want to share one of his poems that is crying out to be shared. I share this in honor of his life.

When you’re dying of cancer,
it really doesn’t matter if the Mets won, or who’s running
for president, or that the windows need painting,
you only notice the tick, tick, tick of the clock as time slips
silently away from you,
and like sand pouring through your fingers,
it scatters into the wind and onto the cold ground,
reminding you each golden moment of life, of your life,
is gone forever once lived,
and that they are not endless,
but finite,
and counted,
and that there are only so many God gives you,
and no more,
just death and then eternity.

So live your moments well my cancerous comrades,rich sue and jon
and do your loving well,
as you battle on against this beast so vile and strong,
let every dawn be one more victory,
each setting sun a crown upon your head;
you who’ve learned the truth of all that’s valuable:
the ecstasy of living for another day,
of knowing you are loved,
and feeling God Himself so close to you.

Sing, robin red breast,
sing your lovely chorus to the day,
and dance around the branches, squirrel,
for all of nature loves your praise for life,
and we will join your chorus,
we who know the glory of this day.

Once again, Jon, my scarcity has been overwhelmed with joy and awe. Thanks for sharing, my brother. Your heart is huge.

My Commencement Speech!

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For those of you who were not able to be there in person, I wanted to share with you the excitement and joy that I felt while delivering one of the commencement speeches at the graduation ceremony in which I received my second master’s degree from the Wright Graduate Institute.  It was a great honor to be asked to speak, and I feel grateful for the opportunity to further share my journey, my vulnerability, and my faith!  I hope you will take a look leave me a comment or two letting me know what you think.

~Rich

 

 

My Celebration of Mollie Mae Blue

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It has been three years since my dad died. My mom and dad were married for more than 70 years. She has spent the last several years grieving, adjusting to living alone, and living her life to the fullest.

 

Several months ago I received a call from my brother saying that mom was very sick. I called her and knew the minute I heard her voice that she was struggling. Normally invincible, she was experiencing a lot of swelling in her legs, pain all over, and almost no energy. She said her heart was tired and that she was ready die. I will never forget the shockingly forthright and open conversation we had about dying. I was in shock and not on board with her decision yet.

Her condition improved; however, it was apparent that she was nearing the end of this life. Sue and I quickly planned a trip out to see her but it would not be until the end of August—four weeks away. My mom told me that she could not guarantee living that long. I began negotiating with her the terms of her last days. Eventually she agreed that she would intend to live and not die before seeing Sue and me again.

 

How many people are so blessed to have this kind of conversation with their 95-year-old mom? I was filled with inspiration at her recognition of her power. She understood the power of intention and the complexity of death—in some ways it is outside of our control and in other ways we have been given a lot of say-so. Her focus for the month of August was recovering and living until we visited. We talked several times a day and I was monitoring her condition. With every day she gained hope, strength, and aliveness.

 

She not only lived until our visit, she thrived. Her doctor determined what was wrong (Polymyalgia Rheumatica) and the medication she received helped her renew her strength. By the time we saw her she was zipping about the house exuding energy and joy. Somehow, I knew she would do it. Seeing her was such a blessing; however, it was not long before I was bugging her and she was trying to reign me in. Some things never change.

 

My greatest memory of our visit was when my mom told me that she had something to talk with me about. Historically, I had been the one to initiate these kind of heart-to-heart conversations. She told me that she had been praying for the opportunity to share her concerns about my expression of anger. I couldn’t believe it.  I was both shocked and thrilled. To use CLE lingo, she wanted to “clear” with me.

 

She shared with me her concerns and I listened. I shared my perspectives and she listened. The intensity of the conversation grew, as did the aliveness. I was noticing that we were having a respectful and responsible fight.  There was no room for this kind of discussion in our home growing up. I was ecstatic.

 

Suddenly my fear surfaced. What if she died while we were fighting? I saw the scary masks of guilt and shame trying to divert me from the joy and aliveness of the moment. On the contrary, what better way to die than to be truthfully and passionately engaging with one another in the pursuit of intimacy? When we were finished (2 hours seemed like 2 minutes) my mom and I were radiant and energized. I was inspired and filled with joy and gratitude. What a testament to the work we have done to repair and deepen our relationship over the past 25 years. Thank God for my anger!

 

 

Mollie Mae Blue was born on October 16, 1916 in Chicago. (You do the math; this will diminish her upset with me for revealing her age.) 1916 was the year the light switch was invented and the Chicago Cubs won their first game in Weeghman Park (currently Wrigley Field) against the Cincinnati Reds. Mollie Mae was born during World War I (1914-1918), which resulted in the death of more than 9 million combatants. Democratic President Woodrow Wilson narrowly defeated Republican Charles E. Hughes.

 

Mollie and I are continuing daily to enjoy our honest, alive and feeling-filled conversations. I am a blessed son and man.

God’s Infinite Love: My Choice by A.M.

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When I first joined assignment group, a senior member of my group told me that no matter what happens in the group, to remember that Rich was always for me 100%.  I learned over time that this was true and that despite whatever happened in group, Rich always had my back.  Even though I was messed up and full of it, Rich still believed in me, supported me, and loved me.  Later I came to learn that this was love and positive regard.

This love was a stark contrast to anything that I had experienced for the first 40 years of my life.  My Dad was anything but loving.  He was a volatile and punitive man and his “love” was conditional.  He was harsh, abusive, and selfish.  I truly feared my father for the first 40+ years of my life.  I see now that he was just trying to get his own needs met, and that he himself had grown up with a harsh and unloving father.

I viewed God as an extension of my father.  I saw him as harsh, mean, petty and unloving.  This was a choice that I made and it colored all of my core beliefs about the world. That took me right up until 2004 or so when I accepted Christ as my savior.  In fact, it took me beyond that.

In 2004, I went on a CLE retreat and experienced Rich’s love in a breath work  exercise.  The next week in church at WCNS, they did an altar call and one of my group members from the retreat joined me as I went forward from my seat.  Shortly after that I was baptized.  It was at that point that I accepted Christ, and my relationship with God began to change.  I began to read the bible and talk more with people about God. And ultimately the door opened for me to change the way I thought about God.

Even after those experiences, I still believed deep down that God was unloving, mean, and punishing.  It is only recently, many years later, that my core beliefs about God have changed.  And I know it has changed because my world view has changed, rather, I have chosen to have another world view and that is only possible because my core belief about God has changed.

It all goes back to Rich and his uncommon love and positive regard for me.  It had been a big leap of faith to accept this as love after what I experienced with my own Father.  I wasn’t always great about taking it in, but when I did, it had a profound impact on me.  I gradually began to love myself.  And I gradually began to accept the possibility that God loved me the same way Rich did, and more.

This all came to a head this summer on a trip to a Willow Creek Camp.  During my daily quiet time with God, I came to see that I did not act in ways that showed that I believed in and trusted a loving God.  I acted as if the world was a place of fear, pain, and scarcity, rather than a playground of abundance and possibilities.  I played it safe, and had a relatively small life as a result.

I had a choice to make.  I could continue to see the world as i always had, or I could see the world through the eyes of a loving and kind heavenly Father.  My experience with Rich in assignment group and on retreats was the means by which I was able to change how I viewed God.  A great verse from the Bible is:

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
(Luke 11:11-13 NIV)

When I compared my Dad to Rich, and then extrapolated Rich to God my heavenly Father, I realized that I had underestimated God’s love for me by an infinite amount.  More importantly, I saw that my belief about God’s love and goodness is a faith choice. I can choose to see God as loving and kind and the world as full of opportunities and abundance.  Or I can continue to believe as I always have. This is really a question of faith, since there is plenty of evidence for both.

I have decided to trust God and to and to believe that God is for me 100% (or more!)  I believe that God loves me, and will provide for me, and that the world is a place of promise, of opportunity, and of abundance.

My work is to act out that faith every day.  I need to live a big life, and take appropriate risks.  I need to see a loving God at work in the world, in everything that happens to me, and to see it all as for my good.  It is a choice that I must continue to make every day.

The Web of Life: A Divine System

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The first time I met John (alias) I knew I was in for a battle. His face was hard and his gaze was steady. My characteristic use of warmth, fun and humor were not working; if anything, I was making things worse. His answers were short and brusque. He was angry and sarcastic. He loved to argue and I could tell that he was a black belt in dispute. I was scared.

I wasn’t sure whether John would come back. Not only did he have a session the following week, the weeks turned into months and I gradually saw his heart soften and his soul heal. Since that day I have had the joy of being in relationship with John for many years. John was the proverbial lion with a thorn in his paw. His anger was a shield used to protect his wounded heart. He presented himself as a combatant, yet, underneath his mask he was a lover.

John, like all of us, was deeply impacted by the family he grew up in. It was in this system that John learned the rules of life and roles that he was expected to play. He was the oldest and it became his responsibility to raise his many siblings since dad was an AAA kind of guy—angry, absent and alcoholic. John experienced a lot of pain and endured a lot of hardship—not the least of which was witnessing the senseless death of his brother.

We are parts of a whole, never meant to operate independent of one another. We are interconnected and form what Fritjof Capra has termed the web of life. We are unique and interrelated individuals; each of us is separate and unique, yet, designed to be a part of a whole much larger and more complex than the sum of its parts.

Without an understanding of systems, we will live life with a very narrow and limited perspective. We will see only the parts and miss the mystery and awe of the whole. We will not understand the building blocks of lasting change. We will live isolated and insulated lives that will blind us to the larger system of which we are a part.

The Apostle Paul understood the importance of systems making up the core of the divine creation. He wrote, “Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free —and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. (1Corinthians 12:12-14)

Life is a series of interdependent systems. Systems have a hierarchical nature and consist of subsystems combining together to form increasingly complex and dynamic systems. The human body is the picture of interdependent magnificence—cells combine to form tissues, tissues form organs, and organs make up organisms.

We are all cells, tissues, organs, and organisms created in the image of God. All of us are fashioned to love and care for one another. We are intended to need each other. What better way to honor God than to live authentically and consciously in the here and now, maximizing our potential in every moment. There is no greater calling than to love ourselves, love each other, and love the Source of All.

Growing and Faith

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Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

I am concerned about the ever-present temptation to move away from truly living by faith.

Growing involves the willingness to learn, fail and learn again. Growing is about continually striving and never arriving. Jesus’ disciples quickly learned that faith was central to everything that mattered to Him. When the disciples asked Jesus about how they could have more faith, he suggested to them that faith was not about quantity as if they needed more of it. He told them that if they had the faith the size of a mustard seed they could move mountains. Faith is unquantifiable. Faith is a muscle—it is a way of being and relating to another. The heart of faith is about who we place our faith in.

Dynamic faith is about relationship. It is connected to the relationship I have with the person I am putting my faith in. Faith is central to growing and deepening our relationship with the transcendent God. The author of the book of Hebrews writes, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6) Faith is intangible and yet vital to spiritual growth.

By nature, I am opposed to living by faith. I prefer certainty over mystery and mastery over learning. I feel driven to understand faith and have it make sense. I love to learn—sort of; however, one of my temptations is to believe I understand more than I do. I forget that learning and growing is really about what we don’t know. Learning requires the courage to stretch into the unknown. It is more interested in pursuing the unknown than resting in the known. Carol Dweck in her book, Mindset, refers to the growth vs. the fixed mindset. The fixed mindset is all about figuring things out. The growth mindset focuses on learning, stretching and growing. We must be willing to err and fail if we are going to meaningfully learn and grow.

All of my adult life I have been seeking and studying faith. I am in the process of publishing my first book, Grappling with God, and it is concerned with growth and the role of faith. I am discovering that just when I think I have faith figured out I fall flat on my face—faith down. I am learning that authentic faith is about not knowing. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1) Faith is about an experience. The Bible speaks of faith being and encounter with God. It is pursuing relationship with the Transcendent Other in the face of uncertainty and not-knowing.

As I write this sentence, I notice my desire to be more precise and certain about what faith is and isn’t. How can I be writing an article about faith and not be certain of what I am saying? Maybe my lack of certainty is the very quality that allows me to discuss such a sacred experience. I believe faith represents a drive, a human potentiality, within all people that seeks actualization. Man is moved toward faith by an inner awareness of the Transcendent to which he senses his connection. It is this connection that we all seek—an encounter with the holy and mysterious Other. Our hearts seek an experience with unconditional love. Paul Tillich writes, “The unconditional concern which is faith is the concern about the unconditional. The infinite passion, as faith has been described, is the passion for the infinite.” (Tillich, 1957)

Tillich, P. (1957). The Dynamics of Faith. New York: Perennial Classics.

Faith—An Experience of God

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“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

 

 

The Oxford English Dictionary defines faith as, “Confidence, reliance, belief, esp. without evidence or proof. The spiritual apprehension of divine truth or intangible realities.”

 

I am struck by the phrase, “without evidence or proof.” When I was 16 and chose to follow Christ, I was deeply touched by my experience. I sang songs, heard talks and read the Bible for six months searching for proof that believing in Jesus made sense. However, what moved me to ultimately dedicate my life to being a follower of Jesus was my experience. It was an elaborate symphony of sounds that all resonated in my soul awakening me to my deepest desires. It was the spiritual apprehension of intangible realities.

 

I felt wanted. I attended my first Young Life meeting because I was so touched when Shep and Jim invited me. I remember where I was in the library at Miramonte High School. I had no idea what Young Life was; however, it really didn’t matter. I was more interested in who invited me. These were good guys, leaders and more importantly at the time, athletes. I was blown away that they wanted me. I was lonely and hungry for affirmation. I wanted to be wanted.

 

I felt safe. After attending my first meeting, I was surprised by how relaxed and peaceful I felt. I had a sense of joy and aliveness. For the first time that I could remember I felt safe in a group of people. Nothing seemed to matter to them except for their love for each other and Jesus. I didn’t have to worry about feeling fat or not feeling cool. The only other place I had felt safe was on the field when I was fully engaged in the sport of football.

 

I felt OK. Although I had no real understanding of who Jesus was, I experienced the sense that I was accepted and wanted. I felt loved and people seemed to genuinely care about me. It had been such a long time since I had felt that way. When I was with this community, I started to let go of my ever-present fear that I would be found out and kicked out. I was sensing that I was OK just the way I was.

 

I felt I mattered. I could tell that people really wanted to be with me. People were calling me to make sure I was coming to things, and I didn’t miss a thing. I started feeling like I was part of the group even though I hadn’t formally accepted Christ.

 

The real test of my faith came when I was invited to attend the year-end Young Life celebration. It was a pool party and I was mortified. All my fears of rejection were contained in my mistaken belief that I was fat and undesirable. I kept dodging the invitations until Jim and Shep cornered me and demanded either a commitment or an explanation. I wasn’t going to lie and I didn’t want to tell—so I went.

 

It was only minutes after arriving at the party that I was in the pool having fun, having been distracted from my painful self-hatred. I was immersed in the waters of loving community. It was very early the next morning that I had an experience with Christ personally. After experiencing the love, acceptance and belonging I had been searching for, it seemed natural that I would express my love for and faith in Jesus.

 

For a time I cherished my experience with Jesus. As I got older, however, I moved away from the faith of my experience with Christ. Instead, I turned to validating my faith through Scripture, philosophy, and apologetics. I moved away from the faith in my experience. I am grateful that my journey of faith has brought me back to the solid rock of my experience.

 

I love to talk with others who are on the journey of faith and doubt. Authentic faith is alive and personal, whereas, belief is often dead and conceptual. I long to talk about who my faith is in rather than what I believe. I crave the community of those are living life in the here and now and sharing their experiences of faith.  I invite you to join us at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment. We are a community of those who want more authentic faith and intimacy with God and each other.

 

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. (Psalm 34:8)