Tag Archives: God

Honoring Your Anger

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(This is an exerpt from the fourth chapter of my soon to be released book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith. This chapter emphasizes the importance of learning how to feel and express anger powerfully and responsibly in all our relationships)


Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me… (Matthew 16:22)

 

We believe at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment that to be in meaningful relationship requires consciousness—an awareness of what is true in the moment and the willingness to share yourself with another. To experience true intimacy with others, including with God, we must strive to be fully ourselves, to share what is true, especially where our emotions are concerned. If we focus on what we think to the detriment of what we feel, we will not accurately reflect our true selves. If we are out of touch with our emotions or always censure ourselves and what we feel in an attempt to put our best foot forward, others will sense that we are not fully present. We, too, will experience a lack, thus undermining our ability to understand ourselves and to engage in alive and spiritually mature relationships with others and with God.

We may mistakenly believe that keeping a tight rein on our feelings will make us appear more rational, even-tempered, and likeable. When we deny our feelings or stuff them away, however, we cut ourselves off from an essential source of information about ourselves and our interactions with others.  Our feelings ground us in the here and now. They reflect an immediate understanding of what is happening within us in the moment. To become more Christ-like—meaning fully alive, authentic, and present in the moment—we need to have full access to our feelings as well as our thoughts. Only when we can feel our feelings and express them to others, connecting heart to heart, are we able to experience life on a much deeper and more meaningful level.

At first, we may have an easier time experiencing and expressing with what we perceive to be positive emotions. The first three on the SASHET spectrum (sad, angry, scared, happy, excited, and tender) may make us uncomfortable or even wary. We tell ourselves that expressing happiness or tenderness is acceptable, but sadness and fear must be in moderation, and anger is usually not acceptable. We judge certain emotions to be “good” and others to be “bad.”

All our emotions, however, are gifts from God and resources to help us live our lives to the fullest. Our anger, sadness, and fear are just as important as the happiness, excitement, and tenderness we feel. Whether we feel anger or tenderness, it is all valuable information that helps further our relationships. In the cockpit of an airplane, there are many instruments and gauges, the function of which may not be known to us. However, to a trained pilot, each one is crucial: some to be looked at every second and others only needed in an emergency.

Feelings are the instruments in our cockpit, yet many people fail to recognize their importance, mistakenly thinking that the gauges measuring our thoughts are all-sufficient.  As Christians, many of us have learned to fear our emotions, in particular the one we will focus on in this chapter: anger.

Because of the way we have been raised, we may have mistaken beliefs around anger, perceiving it as hurtful, abusive, mean, and even dangerous. We recall Paul’s advice to the Colossians to rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8), and see anger as morally wrong. At first glance, it would seem that the advice of this chapter to “honor our anger” contradicts the teaching of scripture.  While I agree with the spirit of Paul’s teaching, I disagree with how it has been used in the church to limit and manage people’s aliveness.  I will show that our anger is power and, although power can be misused, it is an essential resource if we are truly intent to be becoming more like Christ (please read Grappling with God when it is released for the whole story).

As spiritually mature followers of Christ, we must learn how to experience our anger and express it in such a way that empowers us and deepens our relationships. It seems paradoxical: using anger to nurture our relationships with others and with God, since many of us consider this emotion to be as cutting as a knife and perhaps just as deadly. There is, however, great risk to ourselves and to others when we stifle our anger. Unexpressed anger builds until we are like volcanoes, ready to explode. In contrast, anger that’s recognized and processed in the moment, and then expressed in a responsible and mature way, clears the air and opens the lines of communication with our spouse, family members, friends and associates—and also with God. If we are going to have a spiritually mature and alive relationship with God, we need to drop our pretenses and “get real” about what we feel. Only by admitting to ourselves and to others, including God, when we are angry can we reach a level of comfort and genuineness that leads to true intimacy.

 

Truth is Love

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(This is an exerpt from the third chapter of my soon to be released book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith.)

 

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)

 

I was a participant on a weekend retreat whose aim was to equip me to be more honest and live more in integrity.  I found myself packed into a small room with my team waiting to have our performance evaluated on a series of projects we had completed. There were facilitators present who had been monitoring our team work. They were there to empower us to examine the extent to which we operated in good faith, living true to our commitments, principles and values.

I was scared, unaccustomed to accountability. I felt like I was back in the Principal’s office, terrified that I was going to get in trouble. I realized I spent most of my life trying to be good and do everything right in order to avoid getting punished. I had made it a point to avoid accountability and scrutiny at all costs. As my fear grew, I began to ask myself, “Why in the world did I sign up for a retreat on truthfulness and accountability?” “What was I thinking?”

Time passed and I began to feel a bit calmer and let down my guard. Out of the blue, one of the facilitators asked who on our team was responsible for cleaning the bathrooms. In that instant, it seemed as if I was a prisoner caught trying to escape and the spotlight was pointed right at me. Oh no! Everything shifted to slow motion and I was on the hot seat and my buns were frying!

I knew I had been working hard and accomplishing a number of tasks. My mind started reviewing the cleaning task we had been working on that morning. Suddenly, I remembered I had agreed to make a final check of the bathrooms and I had forgotten to do it. It was my fault! I was the culprit.

In an instant, I felt like I was fighting for my life. I had blown it and left myself open to get in trouble. How could I defend myself? Didn’t it make a difference that I had done so much more than everyone else on my team. I had worked the hardest and had done the most and didn’t that count for something?

Over the next couple hours, the facilitators along with my team members attempted to help me to admit the truth that I was at fault. They wanted me to tell the truth that I had failed to follow through on what I committed to do. I felt like they wanted me to admit I had lied and my defense was that I had simply forgotten. In my mind, they wanted to blame, shame and punish me.

Later I would see that my inability to love and accept myself was preventing me from admitting that I had made a mistake. How could I be wrong and stay on my own side? What I feared they wanted to do to me was in fact what I had been doing to myself for years. I was my own harshest critic. My attempts to defend myself became a self-fulfilling prophecy. My stubborn defensiveness was what caused others to want to punish me–not my failure to clean the bathrooms!

Gradually, their persistence broke through my resistance. I realized that they were investing in me and not trying to beat me up. They were determined to help me see what was true and at the same time accept myself. Admitting I was wrong and accepting that I had fallen short was something I had rarely done. Historically, my strategy had been to try and be perfect so that no one could ever punish me again.

My breakdown along with their commitment to truth became the gateway to my experience of grace and forgiveness. My willingness to put myself in a situation where I would be seen and held accountable opened the door for me to experience a deeper level of self-acceptance and grace. My strategy to avoid making mistakes at all costs was robbing me of the joy of discovering that the world was both a classroom and a playground in which I could try new things, make mistakes, learn, and grow.

 

Divinely Designed Relationships

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The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) 

           At the Center for Christian Life Enrichment, we are divinely designed for relationship. Created in the image and likeness of God, we are born with certain traits that encode us for connection. Even our personalities are shaped by experiences we have with others. From our nature to our nurture, we hunger and yearn for safe, nourishing, affectionate, comforting, supportive, mature, and intimate relationships.

            And yet, we spend so much of our time trying to hide from others. As much as we long to be seen and known, we constantly try to conceal ourselves behind masks and facades. The reason, I believe, is that we see ourselves as flawed and lacking, and somehow totally unworthy of being loved. Afraid of being exposed as objectionable and unlovable, we try to become invisible, or else we project a superior air to keep everyone else at arm’s length. Out of fear and shame, we hold back our spouses, families, friends, and even God. We are even disconnected from ourselves.

This epitomized my life in the late 1980s when, as a Christian counselor, I joined a therapy group in downtown Chicago led by a man named Bob Wright. It has been suggested to me that I participate in Bob’s groups in order to become more alive and potent. I came to this experience being very comfortable with groups. I had been participating in them all the way back to high school, and I had been leading groups in the ministry for ten years.  This group, however, was nothing like any of my prior experiences. First of all, it was not a traditional group in which people talk about their issues or recent experiences. It was what Bob called an “assignment group,” meaning people were intently focused on learning, growing and experiencing genuine openness and honesty with each other in the here and now. I found it totally chaotic, confusing, and unnerving.

            Although I pretended to be engaged, I sat back and observed, silently judging everyone else. I couldn’t connect with these people because I saw myself as superior to them. The truth, however, was that I was terrified! With their emotional intensity and angry confrontations at times, the group made me extremely uncomfortable. What I couldn’t see, however, was that the source of my unease was myself—not them.  

            As soon as group was over, I tore out of there, sometimes literally running down the hall under the guise of catching my train. One night as I rushed to leave, Bob Wright raced after me and literally pushed me up against the wall. With his finger in my face he yelled, “I know your game. I know what you’re doing. You come across as if you are so caring and kind, but you’re mean and judgmental. You’re not what you make yourself out to be.”

            My first instinct was to fling this guy off me. But on a much deeper level, I had the completely opposite reaction. For the first time, I was seen and known. As Bob ripped into me, exposing me as a fraud to myself, he gave me the most loving of gifts—the truth. Only by embracing that difficult truth could I ever break through the shell I had built over the years in hopes of becoming invulnerable to pain and hurt. Only then, could I truly connect with others, to see them as they were and to allow them to see me.

     My relationships with others and God have been the foundation of my journey of transformation. Reaching out to others for feedback about myself has been the cornerstone of the remaking of my most authentic self. The truth I have received from others has been the raw materials used in the reconstruction of my most Christ-like self. I now trust that for me to become like Jesus, I must be fostering authentic community with others who are dedicated to our mutual transformation through the sharing of truth with each another.

     This blog is from the first chapter of my new book, Grappling with God: The Battle for Authentic Faith, which is going to be released soon. Watch for the pre-release resources we will be making available.

Let Your Light Shine

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When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Jesus, the great spiritual teacher, claimed to be the light of the world. He did not say he was a light or one of the lights. He said, “I am the light of the world.” This is an amazingly bold claim which requires faith to believe.  It is a statement of such scale that it cannot be proved. It must be believed or rejected. Issues of faith are at the heart of the work we do at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment (CLE).

Jesus did not claim to be the light of a select few. His proclamation was that he was the light of the world—He was everyone’s light. His invitation was to all–all inclusive, offering the light of life to everyone and anyone who would follow him. He said he was the light of life, not the light of day or the light of dawn.  Jesus said he was the light of life. Jesus’ intention was that everyone would live life abundantly and he understood that to accomplish his mission each of us needs spiritual illumination. At CLE, we believe every individual is created in the image of God and has infinite worth and value.

Light reflects one of our most primal needs, along with warmth, shelter and clothing. I always remember the initial wave of terror when I experience a sudden power outage at night.  Power outages during the day are inconvenient–the clocks stop, the lights don’t work and the garage door opener is inoperable. It is a real nuisance.  When the power goes out at night, however, it can be terrifying. When we are thrust into darkness, we frantically scramble to find flashlights, matches and candles.  We do not rest and feel safe until we can see.  Dim is tolerable. Pitch black is unbearable.

Yet, many of us are comfortable living in the darkness when it comes to knowing the truth about ourselves. We live with lies we tell ourselves as well as with those we accept from others. We must embrace the truth and the light. We must seek to know truth like we would seek light when we are lost in the dark. We are living in darkness when we are unwilling to the know the truth about ourselves. Mistakenly, we are most comfortable when we are in the most danger. Denial slowly takes over our senses and deceives us into believing we are safe when we are actually in harm’s way. Meeting with a Christian therapist offers you the opportunity to have someone reflect back to you the truth you do not see about yourself. The only way to become your most Christ-like self, is to solicit the genuine feedback of others who will tell you the truth about you.

Along with being light, Jesus claimed to be the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6). Light and truth are like twins, most often seen together in sacred teachings. They provide both illumination and instruction. When I am lost, I must identify the truth about where I am before I can get to where I want to be. I believe the most simple and effective way to learn the truth about myself is through soliciting the feedback of others. When I was younger, I hid out from relationships with others by spending countless hours poring over the scriptures in an attempt to know myself. As I matured, I realized that by getting into relationship with others and inviting honest feedback from them, I was opening myself up to one of the most potent sources of light.

Let your light shine on one another that we might grow increasingly into the likeness of Christ.

Having the Eyes to See The Doors of Opportunity

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I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:9-10)

Doors signify times of transition and opportunity.  Doors represent the fear of leaving what is behind and the anticipation of what lies ahead. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:13-14)  Paul understood the importance of doors. He experienced many challenges in which he chose to leave behind the familiar and move into the unknown trusting in God’s direction and companionship. At CLE we love to be a part of supporting those who are searching and seeking for MORE in their lives.

One of the first big doors in my life was when I was 16 years old and recovering from the sobering realization that football was not me nor my life. The previous season, I had played only one play the entire season. The cornerstone of my identity had always been my prowess in football. I was both devastated by my dreadful performance and determined to regain my identity as a powerful football player. I was desperate and determined to succeed.

I persevered and the next season I regained my starting position on the team. In spite of my accomplishment, I was left with a nagging sense of disillusionment and a profound sense of despair. My eyes were opening to the fact that success in football was not sufficient to satisfy my deeper longings. Up until then, I had not been willing to consider what truly nourished me and gave my life meaning and purpose.

It was during this time of existential doubt and despair that I was hungry to find new doors. Previously, all my activities centered around football. For the first time I was open and looking for something more. A friend invited me to a Young Life[1] meeting. I accepted his invitation when I would have avoided it previously. I knew virtually nothing about God except the hymn, Holy, Holy, Holy, and the Ten Commandments. I was changing. I was choosing to take responsibility for my life. Doors were appearing and I was pursuing opportunities to grow. I was asking questions instead of regurgitating answers. Anxiety was morphing into excitement and I was on the hunt for meaning and satisfaction.

Many of us make it our life purpose to avoid challenges and temptations, both for ourselves as well as those we love. We inadvertently rob ourselves and others of the opportunities to find doors through which we can escape the matrixes of our mistaken rules and beliefs. We worship the god of the status quo. James writes, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4)

What I discovered by going through the door of Christ was the experience of believing that I was being regarded by God with the utmost respect. I was being offered unconditional compassion and acceptance. I was experiencing what I didn’t even know I had been searching and longing for. The pain resulting from my setbacks in football was awakening me from a deep sleep. The suffering I experienced was a beacon guiding me to the possibility of transformation. I could now see doors where previously I had only seen walls.

If you are going through a season of hardships which seem like setbacks, look for the doors of opportunity. Seek out the support from those who are More Knowledgable Others, like the counseling staff at CLE. Have the courage to let go of what you have known and be willing to try doors you may have never considered or seen before.

Ask God for the eyes to see and the ears to hear his voice. I believe God’s desire is that each of us knows we are loved by Him and that we dedicate ourselves to becoming our most whole, complete, and Christ-like selves. Paul’s promise for those who are willing to fight the good fight is, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Cor 10:13)

[1] A non-denominational Christian ministry that reaches out to adolescents.

Paired Sharing with God

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One of the simplest yet powerful tools we use at CLE is paired sharing*. This is an exercise where two or more people agree to purposefully and intentionally alternate between sharing and listening to one another. We ask people to use a timer and have a set period of time in which they share, beginning with rounds of two to three minutes each.  One person talks while their partner listens silently. The listeners suspend performing any of the normal activities associated with social and active listening. We ask them to avoid making empathic sounds and offering non-verbal gestures such as nodding, smiling, raising of the eyebrows, etc. When the speakers have completed their time to share, then the partners switch roles and the listeners becomes the sharers.

The speakers have the opportunity of having others listen to them without the fear of being interrupted or having the focus of attention taken off them. They have the chance to articulate what they think and how they feel without being influenced by the thoughts and cues of those who are listening to them.  They are able to get to know themselves in a whole new way.The speakers are encouraged to free associate, speaking to themselves as if no one was there listening to them. As counselors at CLE, we teach them to almost ramble or babble, following their feeling and urges instead of speaking as if they were writing a paper or giving a speech. The objective is for the speakers to express their thoughts and feelings without attempting to control or censor them.

The listeners are asked to listen in an unorthodox way. While listening, they are expected to hold the speaker in positive regard. This means that the listeners envision the speakers as whole and complete persons who are able to support themselves in getting what they want and need. Listeners are asked to make their own internal process the priority of their focus and attention. Listeners are to pay attention to what they are thinking and feeling while listening attentively to their partners. They are not expected to reflect back what they have heard their partners say.

This exercise has been life transforming for those who have made paired sharing part of their ongoing disciplines at CLE. We are finding it to be especially effective with couples, helping them to connect, see, and hear each other. We have also found paired sharing to be beneficial in our relationships with God. We actually have an assignment in our spiritual growth series where people are invited to do a three minutes (sharing) by three minute (listening) paired share with God once a day for thirty days.  This is proving to be a very challenging exercise which is deepening and strengthening peoples personal relationships with God.

Consider the opportunity to build your relationship with God through having a regular time of paired sharing. Consider it as a form of prayer or meditation designed to increase the openness and intimacy in your relationship with God.

* I am grateful to Bob Wright at the Wright Leadership Institute for introducing me to paired sharing.

Caring in Costa Rica

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What comes to mind when you think of Costa Rica? Central America? Volcanoes? Waterfalls? Jungles? Coffee? Before coming here, all I really knew about Costa Rica was that this was the country my son visited and while there took part in a 300+ foot bungee jump!

Sue and I were invited to be a part of a team from Willow Creek Community Church sent to Costa Rica to teach and train pastors and other volunteers some of the basics of counseling. We have been leading workshops at a church in the heart of San Jose.  We have had over 60 attendees at each of our trainings and they have been so hungry to learn and grow. It has been our first experience teaching cross culturally using translators. What a delight it has been.

Yesterday, we visited a church located in one of the poorest communities in the heart of San Jose, Centro Christiano De Alabanza. We were so inspired by their Pastor, Alberto Castro, who believes that the sole purpose of the church is to love and care for each person in their community as if they were Christ himself. Pastor Alberto makes no distinction between parishioners and the people living on the streets. Each individual is someone Jesus cares about and it is his desire to help everyone from the homeless to the elderly. He sees all people as children of God. Everyone matters.

Our first stop was at a shack with tin siding housing over 200 children all waiting to receive their lunch. They were all dressed in donated clothes sitting so responsibly while waiting for their food. As we served these children, we were sobered to realize that poverty and danger are a way of life for these children. If it wasn’t for the services of this spiritual community, these kids would be the next generation of people lost to homelessness, life on the street, drugs, and ultimately death.

Next we visited two shelters where addicts are invited to come and participate in a nine month rehabilitation program at no cost. I was not able to stop crying as my heart broke for each of these people who powerfully shared their stories of drug abuse and survival on the street. Many of these kids were the age of my own children and had been fighting to survive for their whole lives.

Although their struggles are different than mine, I saw how each of us must fight each day to assume responsibility for our lives and the choices we make. Each of us must acknowledge our need, tell the truth about out what we think and how we feel, and reach out to a community greater than ourselves for the support we need to make the most of our lives. It is not so much about where we have come from. The real question is, “What are we doing with the resources we have been entrusted with?”

I am grateful to experience relationships with others who are growing up in a culture very different from my own. It is a privilege to see courageous people living out their faith in ways that are consistent with what they profess to believe. I am inspired, touched, and challenged to refine my understanding of God and the responsibilities I have to fulfill my life mission.

Authentic Love: The Journey from Infatuation to Intimacy

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When my wife, Sue, and I first met it was electric. I was so drawn to her it was as if nothing else mattered. We dated for a few weeks, got engaged, and were married nine months later. Often, this is the way 21 year olds act when they are idealistic and in love.

Romantic relationships follow a predictable path. People meet, date, become infatuated with each other, marry, mate, and then watch entropy erode away their illusion of intimacy. Infatuation carries most couples through engagement and the early years of marriage. We find at Center for Christian Life Enrichment that infatuation is a time characterized by magical thinking and the desire to be made whole and complete by their significant other. Some think the key to marital bliss is finding their perfectly predestined partner while others marry believing that the love of their life can transform the defects of their significant other. These fairy tales never come true. Infatuation only gets us in the game. It offers no assistance in architecting genuine intimacy.

At CLE, we believe intimacy is the result of courageous honesty, deliberate practice, hard work, and supportive counseling. It is not about finding the best partner…it is about becoming the best partner. It begins by dispelling the romantic myths of being saved by another—being miraculously made whole by your mythical mate. It confronts the mistaken belief that love is something you find instead of forge.

In a mistaken attempt to find intimacy, I did for my wife everything I was hoping she would do for me. I would wash the car instead of making time to talk. I would build a deck instead of creating meaningful opportunities to connect and grow as a family.  I had no idea of how little I understood about intimacy. I had confused intimacy with infatuation. There was no work in falling in love. You don’t form it; you simply fall into it. What I associated with intimacy was a copy of the enmeshment I shared with my mother. What I confused with love was the sense of being lost in another person, where my feelings were their feelings and my desires were their desires. I had no differentiated sense of self.

Enmeshment or fusion is one of the most dangerous counterfeits of intimacy. Enmeshment involves the process of getting lost in another as an unconscious way of avoiding ourselves. We confuse supporting another person with unconsciously trying to live our lives through him or her. Most all spouses and parents struggle to discern the difference between true intimacy and enmeshment.

One of the most helpful tips in building intimacy is that both partners must dedicate themselves to their own individual growth and development. I will not be able to shape something with another that I am not in the process of forming within myself. Intimacy begins with me. It is about me stretching and growing into my Christ-self; not, me finding the right person. As I am individuating and becoming more mature, then I am going to have more and more resources to invest in my partnership.

As I am becoming more and more like Christ, I will be bringing more of myself to my relationships with my wife, my kids, and my trusted partners. As I am growing, I will be expecting more from those I love and they of me. I will be speaking the truth in love when they are not living true to their vision and values and expecting the same from them. I will be taking pleasure in the journey toward genuine intimacy.

The Bible is not Enough

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The Bible is not Enough

I remember when I came to the realization that the Bible is not enough. I was the campus director of Campus Crusade for Christ at Northwestern University. I was sitting across from a female student who was sharing with me that she had been repeatedly sexually abused as a child by her brother. I was stunned, shocked and horrified. I did not know what to say and fortunately did not say anything. I simply cried.

For years, I had been a serious student of the Bible, devoting hours each day to the study and application of the Scriptures. At the time, I was of the belief that a thorough knowledge of Bible would equip me to grow and mature in my spiritual life. In the moment following this student’s vulnerable disclosure, I experienced a crisis of faith. All the passages I might have normally referenced seemed trivial and unfitting. I did not know what to say. I was beginning to realize that the Bible alone was not the answer.

I had a sense that this woman was deeply wounded and needed something more than exhortation from the Scriptures. I felt like I was a Boy Scout with a first aid kit trying to help someone who was hemorrhaging from a severed artery. I felt small, ill-equipped, and powerless. I experienced a moment of disillusionment wondering how God could allow something like this to happen and how could I help her.

I reached out to other Christian professionals for help. Like me, many were appalled and uncertain about how to support her. Finally, someone gave me the name of a Christian counselor. At that time, Christian counseling was an oxymoron. Previously I had been of the opinion that counseling was for those who didn’t know Christ or who were ignorant of the Scriptures. If you were a devoted Christian, then you didn’t need counseling.

My eyes were opened. It was like a second spiritual awakening for me. The same passion I had for wanting to get to know God through studying the Bible, I now had for wanting to understand myself and others. How can I better appreciate why we do what we do? I resonated with Paul when he cried out, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Romans 7:15) I was beginning to understand that spiritual transformation involved more than simply attending church, studying the Bible and practicing spiritual disciplines.

I started reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with psychology and spirituality. The groundbreaking works of Larry Crabb, a pastor and psychologist, were very helpful. Mysteriously, I stumbled upon a book written by Paul Tournier, entitled, Guilt and Grace. Tournier was a Swiss physician and author who integrated Christianity with an understanding of psychology. While reading his book, I suddenly felt, “I make sense.” I was beginning to understand why I struggled with fear, insecurity, and self hate. My eyes were being opened to the possibility of healing in my own hidden areas where I felt irreparably damaged. I was beginning to appreciate that I was in as much need of healing as my student at Northwestern.

I began to understand God and faith from a different point of view. I was seeing how God’s truth was made manifest in all aspects of life, including the both the physical as well as the social sciences. I was learning that the personal and spiritual aspects of life were harmonious. I had hope that I could truly heal from the inside out and I could learn how to help others as well. I was experiencing what it felt like to be in the flow and swimming with the current of God’s love and wisdom. Little did I know that this journey would lead to the formation of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment and the hundreds of lives that have been and are being transformed in a community of grace and truth. We make it our aim to “Live life abundantly.”

Our Hunger for the Shepherd

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I opened my email and saw a message from the chancellor of my graduate school.  My stomach tightens. This is not good. I open the email to find a short message instructing me to rewrite several of my papers.  Detonation! My kids refer to this as Dad turning into his “hulk-self.” I wanted revenge, retribution—a slow painful process of payback against my imaginary abuser.

Who doesn’t hunger and thirst to be seen, known, accepted, cared for, protected, guided, and comforted. We all long to return to the Garden, to be with the perfect parent. None of us, however, grows up in the ideal home or has perfect parents. Abraham Maslow recognized the developmental nature of our being, beginning with our physiological need for air, water, food, shelter, sleep and sex.  Without these fundamentals we cannot survive.  Although we might exist for a short while with our physical needs met, without having safety and security we will inevitably perish at the mercy of a predator.

With our physical and safety needs satisfied, now we can begin to address our hunger for love and belonging. We can’t stay alive without the basics, yet, what would be our quality of life if we never know love. Levels one and two in Maslow’s hierarchy addresses our drive to survive. Level three and above deal with our hunger to thrive and ultimately actualize ourselves.  We have been created for abundance—loads of love, nourishment, satisfaction, meaning, and joy.  We are designed to cultivate our gifts and abilities in the service of living extraordinary lives.

At the same time, Jesus says we are sheep.  We are contingent beings, even though we are all but limitlessly gifted; we were created to ”be”—to be fully in relationship with God, each other and ourselves. God has made us to be a magnificent reflection of Himself; capable and competent yet dependent on Him as well as each other. We can survive alone, yet, we only will thrive in shared community with one another.

Jesus claimed to be the good shepherd—the whole, complete and paramount parent of all his sheep. He sees us accurately and is attuned to our every need. He also desires mutuality, as the scriptures say, that his sheep know him intimately. In fact, it is written in the scriptures that Jesus was made in every way like us and tempted in all things as we are. He is us, created us, knows us, intercedes for us, and will never abandon us.