Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

Paired Sharing with God

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One of the simplest yet powerful tools we use at CLE is paired sharing*. This is an exercise where two or more people agree to purposefully and intentionally alternate between sharing and listening to one another. We ask people to use a timer and have a set period of time in which they share, beginning with rounds of two to three minutes each.  One person talks while their partner listens silently. The listeners suspend performing any of the normal activities associated with social and active listening. We ask them to avoid making empathic sounds and offering non-verbal gestures such as nodding, smiling, raising of the eyebrows, etc. When the speakers have completed their time to share, then the partners switch roles and the listeners becomes the sharers.

The speakers have the opportunity of having others listen to them without the fear of being interrupted or having the focus of attention taken off them. They have the chance to articulate what they think and how they feel without being influenced by the thoughts and cues of those who are listening to them.  They are able to get to know themselves in a whole new way.The speakers are encouraged to free associate, speaking to themselves as if no one was there listening to them. As counselors at CLE, we teach them to almost ramble or babble, following their feeling and urges instead of speaking as if they were writing a paper or giving a speech. The objective is for the speakers to express their thoughts and feelings without attempting to control or censor them.

The listeners are asked to listen in an unorthodox way. While listening, they are expected to hold the speaker in positive regard. This means that the listeners envision the speakers as whole and complete persons who are able to support themselves in getting what they want and need. Listeners are asked to make their own internal process the priority of their focus and attention. Listeners are to pay attention to what they are thinking and feeling while listening attentively to their partners. They are not expected to reflect back what they have heard their partners say.

This exercise has been life transforming for those who have made paired sharing part of their ongoing disciplines at CLE. We are finding it to be especially effective with couples, helping them to connect, see, and hear each other. We have also found paired sharing to be beneficial in our relationships with God. We actually have an assignment in our spiritual growth series where people are invited to do a three minutes (sharing) by three minute (listening) paired share with God once a day for thirty days.  This is proving to be a very challenging exercise which is deepening and strengthening peoples personal relationships with God.

Consider the opportunity to build your relationship with God through having a regular time of paired sharing. Consider it as a form of prayer or meditation designed to increase the openness and intimacy in your relationship with God.

* I am grateful to Bob Wright at the Wright Leadership Institute for introducing me to paired sharing.

Praying with Positive Regard

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I was in my hot tub this morning praying.  I was experiencing lots of emotions; however, the predominant feeling was scared. I was aware of so many different things I was afraid of. First, my long time client at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment who is in the final stages of prostate cancer came to mind.  He is valiantly battling to live one day at a time. I also thought about my son who is individuating and living his life as an adventure. His most recent daring episode involves traveling by land from the southern tip of South America to California. Finally, my wife, Sue, was on my heart.  She is battling through challenging side effects associated with this rigorous 12 week detoxification process she has introduced us both to. (I might add, I may have been foolish when I decided to join her in this self imposed food famine. At the moment, I think I would rather be facing the dangers of backpacking through Central America than exorcising my toxins!)

As I was praying for Sue and the others, I suddenly noticed that there was a degree of desperation in my prayers. I was pleading and begging God for his support. I realized may prayers were full of drama and doubt. It was as if I was putting on a show for God, acting as if I needed to exaggerate and be overly dramatic in order to solicit his support. In an instant, I became aware of myself and how I was being with God while I was praying. At CLE, we would say I was growing in consciousness. This was a very meaningful moment for me in my relationship with God and in my relationship with myself.

I am becoming increasingly aware of how uncomfortable I am being–being with myself, with others, and with God. In the same way I use food to numb myself from what I am feeling and experiencing in the moment, I can see how I have used praying to do the same thing. I have a conversation with God, yet I am distracted and unaware of what I am feeling and thinking in the moment. It is like trying to have a meaningful conversation while watching TV. My prayers become like mindless chanting. They are actually distracting me from what I am doing and numbing me from what I am truly feeling and thinking in the moment.

This morning in that instant of insight, it was like I was witnessing the burning bush with Moses.  I had a moment of awareness. I suddenly realized I was praying for Sue as if she was a victim and asking God to rescue her.  I was lobbying for a divine bailout. I was not being respectful of Sue nor holding her in positive regard. I was not picturing Sue as being whole and complete, made in the image of God, capable of navigating her life. I was seeing her as weak, pitiful, and incapable of facing the challenges before her on the journey of transformation into her most Christ-like self.

I felt free. I no longer needed to hold Sue as a victim. I was not responsible for Sue. I did not need to manipulate God for divine aid. I felt hope. I knew Sue was strong, steadfast, capable, determined, and courageous. She was in a tough fight and needed powerful and wise coaches in her corner. She needed the support of the cloud of witnesses surrounding her and cheering her on spoken of in Hebrews 12. I was remembering both who I was praying for and who I was praying to. I was accurately perceiving her in the here and now. I was praying with positive regard.

Couples Telling Their Story

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My wife, Sue, and I just spent an inspiring weekend with fifteen couples who attended the Center for Christian Life Enrichment’s 2011 Winter Couples Retreat in Racine, Wisconsin. I was inspired by their courage to pursue their hunger for more intimacy and their willingness to let others coach them in transforming.

One of the first concepts we discussed on the retreat was the challenge for couples to recognize that the foundation of a healthy marriage is the individual strength and maturity of each partner. Each person in the relationship must dedicate themselves to growing up and differentiating from one another. At first, this sounds backwards. In fact, many couples are trying to do the opposite. They are trying to re-capture the “in love” feeling they had while they were dating which results in the quest for the counterfeit to true intimacy. This seductive substitute is what we call enmeshment or fusion.

At CLE, we believe that if a marriage is going to grow beyond infatuation, then partners must take responsibility for developing themselves and fulfilling their life purposes.  While conscious couples are learning and growing, they are also deliberately choosing to invest in their marriages. They are not looking to define themselves by their spouses or their children. The image I have is of two increasingly strong and dedicated individuals investing in their marriage and family out of the rich and bountiful harvest of living their lives to the fullest.

It has become absolutely clear to me that if we intend to genuinely transform our lives, then we are going to need exceptional support. At CLE we provide all types of different counseling services built around an individuals or couples needs.  We generally recommend that people choose a blend of individual and group therapy.  Individual therapy gives someone the opportunity for intensive one on one support from a trained professional while group provides a person the chance to get feedback and support from peers as well as other professionals.

At our couples retreat this past weekend, the tool we focused on developing for enhancing our partnerships was learning how to share our life narrative. A narrative is our story of how we came to be who we are. When I was in the ministry, we routinely helped people write their testimonies, which were their stories of how they came to have a personal relationship with Christ. This weekend we worked on identifying and appreciating the influences that have shaped us into the people we are today.

I was so moved to see how each of the couples were able to have more understanding, patience and grace with one another as we began to understand the back story behind why we are the way we are. Couples were experiencing breakthroughs in having tolerance and empathy for one another as they were reminded of the forces which shaped themselves as well as their partners.

Don’t miss the chance to join us at CLE for one of our life transforming retreats or workshops. We would love to meet you and welcome you into our community.

Kingdom Theology in Costa Rica

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What an eye opening experience to be here in Costa Rica. We came for the purpose of providing training to local pastors and workers in counseling and the treatment of individuals who are struggling to recover from addictions.

We are here with Global Connections which is an arm of Willow Creek Community Church dedicated to fighting global poverty and AIDS in under-resourced communities in Africa and Latin America. Global Connections’ strategy is to work through relationships with local churches, organizations and Global Servants committed to wholistic transformation of their communities.

What I am really moved by is that the church is empowering local congregations to help the under-resourced people in their communities in creative ways that are self sustaining. Global Connections makes available resources to support pastors who care wholistically about all the dimensions of a person’s life – physical, social, economic, and spiritual. They are very careful to equip the local church leaders to foster and develop self sustaining ministries to serve others in need.

Historically, missions has often been guilty of being paternalistic and ethnocentric. Missionaries would come to preach, convert, and train others to conform to the beliefs and norms of their particular belief system, denomination or culture. Under the veneer of helping or saving the lost, the church inadvertently adopted a position of being superior and arrogant, thinking they had not only the right but the responsibility to correct other peoples’ beliefs and culture.

What I have been especially moved by in this outreach effort has been the respect given to each pastor and community we have been a part of. Our purpose is to serve by coming alongside pastors and providing them with the support they have specifically requested from us. We are helping both Christians and non-Christians. We explicitly avoid attempting to shape or influence their theology. The emphasis is on promoting self-sustaining wholistic ministry with a vision for being the hands and feet of Christ—not the mouth!

I have been so appreciative of the values of mutuality and responsibility we at the Center for Christian Life Enrichment share with Global Connections. We are looking at people with positive regard, having a deep-seated respect for their capacity to learn, grow, and transform themselves. We are coming with an attitude of openness and respect along with a desire to learn and grow from their wisdom and understanding.

One of the most inspiring new areas of interest for me has been what several local pastors call Kingdom Theology. My understanding of their belief is that God’s work is here on earth vs. planning and preparing people for heaven. Our responsibility is to respond to the needs of every person, whether they are a Christian or not, demonstrating in action our concern for basic needs of every human being. The mission is to improve the quality of life in the here and now for all people.

There is also a great deal of concern about the earth and wanting to be good stewards of our environment. Their projects often involve promoting “green” ventures. They are working to relieve the pain and suffering of the poor and those whose lives are ravaged by addiction and poverty. Their strategy is to equip people to be self sustaining and encouraging them to invest back into their respective communities. Instead of building  bigger and better churches, these pastors are investing in programs that will support those in need. We have visited kitchens feeding children, drug rehabilitation centers and businesses that can train and employ the under-resourced.

I am very sobered, challenged and inspired to consider how I can invest my life more strategically. I am asking what God would have me do to serve those who are under-resourced. How can the counseling staff at CLE serve our community more wholistically? How can I be living more responsibly, exercising my concern for those in need? What will I do? Continue reading →

Caring in Costa Rica

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What comes to mind when you think of Costa Rica? Central America? Volcanoes? Waterfalls? Jungles? Coffee? Before coming here, all I really knew about Costa Rica was that this was the country my son visited and while there took part in a 300+ foot bungee jump!

Sue and I were invited to be a part of a team from Willow Creek Community Church sent to Costa Rica to teach and train pastors and other volunteers some of the basics of counseling. We have been leading workshops at a church in the heart of San Jose.  We have had over 60 attendees at each of our trainings and they have been so hungry to learn and grow. It has been our first experience teaching cross culturally using translators. What a delight it has been.

Yesterday, we visited a church located in one of the poorest communities in the heart of San Jose, Centro Christiano De Alabanza. We were so inspired by their Pastor, Alberto Castro, who believes that the sole purpose of the church is to love and care for each person in their community as if they were Christ himself. Pastor Alberto makes no distinction between parishioners and the people living on the streets. Each individual is someone Jesus cares about and it is his desire to help everyone from the homeless to the elderly. He sees all people as children of God. Everyone matters.

Our first stop was at a shack with tin siding housing over 200 children all waiting to receive their lunch. They were all dressed in donated clothes sitting so responsibly while waiting for their food. As we served these children, we were sobered to realize that poverty and danger are a way of life for these children. If it wasn’t for the services of this spiritual community, these kids would be the next generation of people lost to homelessness, life on the street, drugs, and ultimately death.

Next we visited two shelters where addicts are invited to come and participate in a nine month rehabilitation program at no cost. I was not able to stop crying as my heart broke for each of these people who powerfully shared their stories of drug abuse and survival on the street. Many of these kids were the age of my own children and had been fighting to survive for their whole lives.

Although their struggles are different than mine, I saw how each of us must fight each day to assume responsibility for our lives and the choices we make. Each of us must acknowledge our need, tell the truth about out what we think and how we feel, and reach out to a community greater than ourselves for the support we need to make the most of our lives. It is not so much about where we have come from. The real question is, “What are we doing with the resources we have been entrusted with?”

I am grateful to experience relationships with others who are growing up in a culture very different from my own. It is a privilege to see courageous people living out their faith in ways that are consistent with what they profess to believe. I am inspired, touched, and challenged to refine my understanding of God and the responsibilities I have to fulfill my life mission.

A Fresh Look At Faith

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As  a new and infatuated teenage follower of Christ, I was hungry to belong and to matter in my new community of faith. After spending months pacing around the perimeter of myYoung Life fellowship, I finally stepped across the line of faith, and risked declaring myself a believer in Jesus Christ.

I now felt like a legitimate Christ follower; however, I was not only hungry to belong–I wanted to matter. I wanted to stand out and make a difference. After observing the way the Christian body worked, I realized that the leaders played guitar and led singing during our times of praise and worship.

So, I set out to learn to play the guitar and began participating as a worship leader in our fellowship gatherings.  That satisfied me for a while. I then realized that the real power and respect seemed to go to those who could speak persuasively and teach the Bible. So, I dedicated myself to becoming a solid student of the Bible. Eventually, others noticed my gifts and I was offered the opportunity to develop into an inspirational speaker and Bible teacher.

This was a time in my life where I believed that faith was the same as certainty. I prayed and studied so that I could know God and understand his will for my life and the lives of those I was influencing. I considered doubt and resistance the enemy of faith. I valued thougths over feelings; the mind over the heart.  I thought that a significant apsect of my spiritual maturity was being certain of what I believed.  I also wanted to share the love of Christ and learn how to persuade  others to believe as Idid.

I think of this period of my development as my spiritual teens. I was filled with confidence, optimism, hope, and a sense of invulnerability. It was not until I was faced with the shocking reality of sexual abuse among my staff and students at Northwestern, that I began to experience an existential crisis of faith. At this time, I remember thinking that the Bible was not enough.

For the first time, I did not feel comfortable sharing a few verses with my students and praying with a survivor who was trying to recover from past sexual abuse. There was something more I knew they needed and I knew I did not know how to support them. I wanted to learn how to help these women to heal their bodies, souls and spirits. Little did I know that my hunger to help others was driven by my need for healing myself. I was prescribing the very medicine I would need when it cam time for me to confront my denial about my own abuse. This experience led me to become a counselor and found the Center for Christian Life Enrichment.

I now see that this shock to my faith was intended to jar me into the next stage of my spiritual development. I was moving from the black and white stage of youthful certainty into a more adult stage where I was facing all that I did not know and was not certain about in my life and walk with Christ.

It has been during this adult stage of my spiritual development that I have learned to appreciate the power of doubt. I was beginning to see that faith was not synonymous with confidence and certainty. Authentic faith requires us to move foward when we do not understand and when we have more questions than answers. If we knew that everything was as it should be, then what would be the need for faith.

We are more apt to rely on faith when we recognize that everything we do is spiritual. All of life, every thought and decision, is a demonstration of what we belive in. Faith has real significance when we must make decisions and step out when things seem to make the least sense. In many ways certaintyand formulas are the luxury of youth.

What do you think Abraham was feeling and thinking when God instructed him to sacrifice his son, Isaac? Would you have questioned for one milisecond whether you were willing to follow and obey God the way Abraham did? Who of us would have thought for one instant, that it was God directing us to murder our son. If I heard of anyone thinking that that message was from God, I would recommnend hospitalizing them instantly.

However, Abraham, moved forward in his obedience. I doubt whether he reached out to anyone for cousel because think he knew that no one in their right mind would support him in his mission. It was Abraham against every reasonable person on earth.  It was Abraham stepping out in faith. He knew the only one he could trust was who Paul Tillich referred to as the God above God–the complex and at times inscrutible being who is beyond our comfortable and predictable projections. Now, this is a fresh and disturbing look at faith.

The Joy of Living Responsibly

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“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Phil 2:12-13

Who would ever think that being responsible is a key to having peace and joy?  When we think of someone being responsible, we imagine someone being dependable, trustworthy, and accountable. Sounds boring, right?

At the Center for Christian Life Enrichment we use “responsible” in terms of a principle which, if applied, can empower us to live magnificent lives; instead of simply a way to be good and stay out of trouble. Yalom writes, “Responsibility means authorship. To be aware of responsibility is to be aware of creating one’s own self, destiny, life predicament, feelings and, if such be the case, one’s own suffering.”[1]

A commitment to being responsible means that I am the author of my life.  I can no longer blame others, circumstances or God for the outcomes of my life.  I am free from the burden of feeling like I am a victim. I am not responsible for what others may do, but I am responsible for how I choose to respond. For example, I cannot prevent you from judging me, but I am can choose how I let your opinion affect me.

Adhering to the principle of responsibility is the antidote for victimhood.  When we find ourselves operating within the Drama Triangle, whether we are playing the role of victim, persecutor or rescuer, we are disregarding the principle of responsibility. If I am the author of my life, how can I blame you for anything?  I believe we are created in the image of God and as such we are agents of creation and not victims. We are designed to generate and lead productive lives.

Experiencing and responding to our feelings is a critical skill in living responsibly.  Many of us grew up learning all kinds of rules limiting the expression of our feelings. For example, for some, it was OK to be sad but shameful to be angry. For others, anger was acceptable but fear was a sign of weakness. All our feelings are part of our divine design. It is our job to learn how to use them responsibly.

Feelings are vital indicators alerting us to our hungers for what we want and need. For example, when a deer feels fear, immediately the sympathetic nervous system engages and the survival instincts take over.  The deer’s life depends on how he chooses to respond to his fear. A deer must decide whether to freeze, flee or fight. If he freezes in the woods, there is likely to be a much better outcome than if he chooses to freeze on the highway with a truck coming at him.

We disregard our feelings to our detriment.  When we ignore fear we invite the buildup of worry and anxiety. When we acknowledge our fear and thoughtfully consider our response, we act according to the principle of responsibility.  At times we may dismiss an imagined fear, recognizing it as a fantasy. At other times, our fear will inform us that we need to act immediately. It is our responsibility to learn how to better interpret the wisdom of our feelings.

We have been equipped with gifts and talents intended to be used in the fulfillment of our life purpose.  It is our responsibility to strive to uncover what we are most passionate about as we exercise our gifts. Each of us is responsible to fulfill our mission and live the most meaningful lives possible. Assuming full responsibility for our lives is foundational to living lives of meaning, purpose and passion.

Consider how one of our Christian counselors could support you in living the most meaningful and potent lives possible.

[1] Yalom, I. (1980). Esistential Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books, p. 218

Wanted: Attachment Needs Met—Adults as well as Children Apply

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“See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me” Lyrics from The Who

We are making Attachment Theory a primary focus at CLE this year. One of the major breakthroughs in psychology is the increasing awareness that the relational needs young children have to attach to their mothers and fathers are the same we have as adults.  Children need to be seen, listened to, empathized with, touched and held—and so do adults. At CLE, we are learning how to identify our attachment needs, recognizing when our needs are not being met, and learning how to heal and repair attachment breaches.

Children are born entirely dependent on their primary care givers. They are unable to survive apart from the provisions of those they are dependent on. Children have the basic needs to survive (food, water, shelter, safety, etc.) along with the emotional and social needs of attachment. Attachment is that process in which children discover and expand themselves through the attention and care of others.

Bob Wright summarizes attachment as our need to be accurately perceived in the here and now, with positive regard, consistently and unconditionally.

Perceived accurately: This is when parents see and mirror back to their children an accurate representation of what the child is feelings and experiencing. The child discovers themselves in the accurate reflection of their primary care givers. Parents play the role of mirrors, reflecting back the expressions, feelings and mood of the child.

As adults, we will strengthen our relationships if we attentively listen to one another, accurately reflecting back what our partner is saying. Avoiding giving advice or trying to fix your partner is strongly encouraged. Any unsolicited advice is certain to result in an attachment breach!

In the here and now: This feedback is most potent when it happens immediately in the moment. Take advantage of the opportunities to see and hear each other in the here and now. Sooner is better than later. This means having live interactions in the moment vs. telling stories about our lives with one another.

With Positive Regard: This is a fundamental attitude that holds each human being as whole and complete. Positive regard is a mindset that believes that each person is both capable and responsible for his or her life—adults are not victims. At CLE, we believe that each individual is created in the image of God and able to draw upon an abundance of resources to learn, grow and transform themselves into their most radiant Christ-self.

Consistently: A child learns much more effectively when he or she experiences consistency in the feedback and response of the primary care givers. We need to be consistently seeking to see, listen to, empathize with, and demonstrate positive regard for one another, whether we are parenting our children or spending time with adults.

Unconditionally: This is certainly the goal put forth by Jesus when he asked us to love one another, forgiving each other, and refusing to retaliate when hurt. Unconditional care and concern is what we all long for; however, it often requires divine assistance. The Apostle John wrote, “We love, because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) We must draw upon a resource greater than ourselves in order to be able to love one another.

The Transforming Power of Gratitude

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Sue and I had been married for about a year and we were in the process of raising our financial support to go on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ. We had just gotten back from our New Staff Training, and had exhausted all the money we had in savings in order to pay for our training. We had no money and were excited to be living by faith.

One morning the reality of our depleted finances hit us. I had finished balancing the checkbook and announced to Sue that we had seventy-five cents left in our account.  Suddenly, she cried out, “We don’t even have the money to pay the toll to drive across the Oakland/San Francisco Bay Bridge!” I, however, had a peculiar sense of exhilaration as I saw our circumstances as an opportunity for God to provide for us. Sure enough, we experienced what we believed were the provisions of God appearing just as we needed them and not a second too soon!

As I have grown in my years and maturity, I often find it difficult to draw upon the fearless trust I had as a new believer in Christ. When I was younger I was so confident and excited to be living out on the edge, trusting in the goodness of God. Although, I often don’t have the same unguarded enthusiasm in the face of risk, I have learned to rely upon the faithfulness of God.

One of the tools which has helped me when my present circumstances are overwhelming is what I call the Red Sea List. The idea came to me while I was reading the books of Exodus and Deuteronomy in the Old Testament. I found myself identifying with the struggles of the children of Israel. As I was reading I could so clearly see the effects of their selective memory. It was not long after having been miraculously delivered from the harsh enslavement in Egypt that the Israelites were grumbling and complaining about their hardships in the desert wilderness. Some were even willing to exchange their freedom for the security of slavery in Egypt.

I could so relate with the Children of Israel. How soon after some extraordinary answers to prayer am I complaining and worrying about my next hardship or difficulty. The scripture taught that their mistake was that they had forgotten all the good things God had done and instead were focusing on the troubles of their present circumstances. It is so much easier for me to worry about what lies ahead than express my gratitude for all that I am thankful for in the here and now.

The Red Sea List is a list of what we are grateful for. It is a tool designed to help us combat worry and grumbling by encouraging us to remember all the good things God has done. It is as simple as listing all the things you are grateful for. Small or large, material or spiritual, mundane or miraculous. Just start listing anything that comes to your mind.  Don’t get distracted by the order or significance. Your mind will want to divert you from simply listing anything and everything you feel thankful for. It is helpful to set a timer and write your list for even just a minute or two.

Focusing on God and His goodness helps to shift our attention from past regrets or future worries to the fruit of faith expressed in gratitude for all our blessings. The expression of gratitude helps exchange resentment and anxiety for faith, hope, and love.

The Journey of Transformation

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I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  Romans 7:15

I can’t believe I am heavier than I have ever been before. I start losing weight and then the next thing I know I am gaining again. I know what to do. I have lost weight so many times before. I have all kinds of excellent support and resources along with an abundant network of people who care about me; yet, I continue to comfort myself with food. I am a therapist and help others change; yet, I can’t change myself! Why is it so difficult? Why won’t I change?

Hard and soft addictions multiply in times of fear, stress, and pain. Overeating, restricting food, drinking, drugging, shopping, spending, gaming, television watching, Facebooking, emailing, texting, exercising, worrying, reading, sleeping, and working—the list is limitless. Anything done to excess can enable us to disregard our deeper hungers and deny our pain.

When I am a fugitive on the run from myself, I am suspicious of everything that is good for me. I feel like a wounded animal that is backed into a corner. I fear the truth. I am scared and distrustful of nearly everyone. Curiously, I am very receptive to the counterfeit support that would deaden me to my feelings and dampen me to my pain.

I am quick to forget that my consciousness, my feelings, and my concerned community are my allies even though they may disturb and disrupt my binge. My good friend carved into my heart, “Truth is love.” Listening to the truth and attending to my feelings is the first act of self-love and compassion.  This is the first step toward freedom. When we yield to the truth, like the prodigal son, we will return to the genuine light and warmth of love. I often have to remind myself that the God I adore is a God of love. He is not seeking to chastise; instead, he longs to welcome me home without shame or retribution. This is one of our central missions of the Center for Christian Life Enrichment.

How can we wake up and lay aside our bad habits? The question of concern is, “When we are resistant to transformation, what does it take to penetrate our denial and initiate change?” What will awaken my intention and engage my resources in order to bring about needed changes in my life? Alcoholics Anonymous teaches that alcoholics often need to hit bottom before they will get sober. What is our bottom and will we change? Will we look up for help when we are broken and scared?

Transformation is a process of ups and downs. It is cyclical not linear. Overthrowing denial is foundational to transformation. Once the light of truth burns the fog of denial away, the issue is not whether I have a problem, but whether I am willing to do what it takes to overcome it. As we penetrate our denial, we then must  confront our rationalizations, excuses and stinking thinking.

My biggest battles are internal. I get hurt and angry and refuse to work through my upset with God and those who I perceive have wronged me. I get scared and instead of reaching out and up for help I isolate and withdraw from those who most can support me. I am learning to overcome shame and resist the temptation to self medicate with soft addictions. I am accepting that I make mistakes and learning how to have compassion for myself.

Personal transformation is a way of living and being. It is focused on investing our lives in the pursuit of fulfilling our life purpose. I believe each of us is a child of God with a responsibility to find our calling and fulfill our mission. It requires courage and the willingness to accept that the good fight is a bout with unlimited rounds. The prize goes to those one who persist, picking themselves up after inevitable setbacks, and rededicating themselves to the lifelong journey of transformation.